Tired

My kids and I for the past week or so have been going through Exodus, among some other books we are concurrently reading in our Read Through the Bible in A Year (we are taking about 4-5 months to do this).  God doesn't waste anything.  As I think about how clueless the Israelites were when coming out of Egypt and all their griping and complaining after all the miracles God did for them - like parting the Red Sea, water out of the rock, manna from Heaven, all those birds, drowning the Egyptian army, the 10 plagues and so much more.

Tonight as I shared with my life group in tears how tired I was of where I was and living on miracle after miracle instead of living on my own self-sufficiency.  What a terrible lie that is that I would be self-sufficient.  God is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord who Provides.  God provides EVERYTHING in my life from the breath I take, to my eyes blinking, to my home, the food I eat, my children and the list goes on.  I am NOT the provider of anything.

The fact that God would give me miracle after miracle and I would be tired of that?  How deceived I am!  I don't want to be like that generation that died in the wilderness who never got to see the Promised Land because of their moaning and groaning, and that they were unwilling to grow up, to mature inspite of all that God did for them.

I really had to repent to God.  There is preparation time to go into the Promised Land, and once you're there, it's not smooth sailing,.  You then need to conquer the giants in the Land.  God doesn't just banish all those Giants, rather it's a process of getting rid of them because in that process, we mature & grow.  I don't remember reading that before in Exodus, but when I read it recently, God said that if He got rid of all the Israelite's enemies, the animals would overtake the land and it would eventually harm the Israelites.

There is this fantasy that I have that God would just solve all my problems from my former spouse, to financial, to relational, to physical, to spiritual quickly.  I don't think I would appreciate it, if He did, nor recognize God's work, rather thinking that I, myself, caused this.  Ha!  How foolish that thinking is.

God is good ALL the time.  Through Him giving me the strength and grace, I can walk through all that I must go through.  In this life, I will never fully arrive.  But, somehow in this process, to find the peace of God that surpasses all understanding and to walk out this storm with God's peace surrounding me would be miraculous.

I am so very blessed that God chooses to send miracles daily to grace the lives of my children and I.  Yes, there is a tiredness in being here, but once again, I ask God to give me His eternal eyes to walk through this.  He is so very good and we are so very blessed.

Focus

What do you spend your days doing?  Thinking about?  Dreaming of?  Fantasizing about?

In Joshua 1:8-9 it says, "This book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate upon it day & night.  Be careful to obey what is written in it so that you may be prosperous and successful.  Have I not commanded you, be strong and courageous.  Don't be afraid or dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Though I have many favorite verses in the Bible, the first part of Joshua 1:8 is probably the part of the Bible that I most have meditated on this year.  When I set my head upon my pillow to slumber, I am reminded to chew on God's Word over and over in my mind, that it might infiltrate my heart and spirit.  And, it does. 

Why would you want to focus on God's Word?  Because it is LIFE!  It is alive and active, sharper than any 2-edged sword, it penetrates to our very core.  It judges the thoughts and intents of our hearts.  This is found in Hebrews 4:12. 

There are just some people in my world that I just do not like.  I don't like the choices they have made, nor how they impact me.  I don't like how they look and a host of other things.  However, if I take the Word of God and put it against these thoughts, I find that I am in the wrong.  Do I feel like a low life, then?  Absolutely not!

In Romans 8:1 it says that if I know Jesus Christ as my Savior, I am no longer condemned.  Does that mean it's okay for me to have those thoughts & feelings?  No, but it means that because Christ lives in me, my sins are forgiven and I can put Jesus on the throne of my life and let God take control of my thoughts, submit them to Him.

Philippians 4:8 talks about thinking upon things that are lovely, pure, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy.  In 2 Corinthians 10:5 it talks about destroying those thoughts that God would not deem acceptable, that are not pleasing to Him.  These 2 verses really work hand-in-hand. 

Can I do these things in my own strength?  No.  Living in a society that values independence, in the Christian life we are called to be DEPENDENT at all times on the Lord Jesus Christ.  He is our Source for strength & life.  Does that mean we just kick back and do nothing?  No!! 

What does this look like in tangible, real life terms?  It's taken me a long time to understand this and maybe even my understanding of this at best is just the tip of the iceberg, but at least it's the tip rather than completely missing it. 

It means when I wake up in the morning that I realize that God allowed me to have another day on this earth, to thank Him.  Maybe it isn't hard to bounce out of bed and get started on your day, but sometimes some of us bumble out of bed only after hitting the snooze button multiple times.  Maybe those people need God more?  No.  We all need God completely.

It's really involving God in all parts of our lives from brushing our teeth, to walking across the parking the lot, to driving our kids to school, to making that cup of coffee, to smiling at a stranger, to working on that project whose deadline has been moved up 3 weeks, to presenting that presentation, to everything.

How often do we just go off and do things rather than consulting with God, "Do you want me to buy this?   Do you want me to eat this?  How do you want me to treat this person?  I'm really feeling sad about this situation and I just don't know how to get over it.  Will I ever be happy again?  Please help me through this workout.  I can do one more burpee without You."

It's mindfully practicing the Presence of God.  I'll have to admit that often, usually I'm not doing this.  Though, where I am now is way better than I have ever been in my walk with God, but realistically, as I evaluate my day-to-day stuff, it's like I give pockets of God to certain areas and other areas, well . . .

There was a time I would mindlessly watch TV and all sorts of shows, especially shows where there was injustices & crimes.  I'd spend hours a day watching these in between my very busy schedules, but I always find time.  It's been over 4 yrs now since I surrended this area of my life to the Lord and frankly, I don't miss it.  My kids don't desire to watch TV.  There is no desire within me either. 

What we watch and absorb our minds with is very important.  What do you want, read, see?  These things fill and clutter your mind, often.  I'm not saying everything is bad, but do a mental checklist of what you spend your time doing.  While working, playing, resting, you can still have your focus on God and do all for His glory.

Do you hear the Holy Spirit tell you, "I don't want you looking at that or doing that" but you just quell that voice, stuff it into the closet of your mind, way back where no one can find it?  We lose out so much of God's blessings when we do this because God's ways are not our ways.  They are higher and better than anything we can do or think (Isaiah 55:9).

I want to challenge you to take an inventory of your thoughts.  As you might keep a food journal for a week, think about keeping a thought journal for a week and see what God is telling you.  I'm sure it will be very eye-opening.