Fri, 16-Dec-11 -- ER

12-16-11 (ER), a photo by Extraordinarily_Passionate on Flickr.

My doctor and a friend of mine who is also a doctor sort of scared me earlier this week. They told me the next time I experience any physical "heart" stuff, that I need to go into the ER or Urgent Care.

About 5-6 hrs ago, I wasn't feeling quite right and just to be on the safe side, went in to the ER. 3.5 hrs later, they discharged me letting me know I had not had a heart attack, nor am I experiencing any blood clots. That's super great.

However, they did find I had a UTI (I don't recall having had any of these in more than a decade) and the early signs of pneumonia, possibly. They armed me with antibiotics to get rid of both for the next 10 days.

This leads me to once again think about the brevity of life, which I've been thinking of more often these days. We are only on this earth for a short time, and how long that is, is really up to God ultimately, even for those who contemplate suicide.

They performed all sorts of tests on me. The ER was not busy, and I was treated very well. I even went in my pajamas and bathrobe, as I didn't want to delay them catching anything.

There was a lot of time to think just lying there in the bed. What kind of unfinished business I may have. If I died, what would happen to my children? Who would take care of them, love them like I would?

Were there things left unresolved with people? Was I prepared to meet my maker?

For me, the only question I knew the answer to was the last one. If God chose to take me at any time, I was prepared to meet Jesus. But, for the rest of the questions, I wasn't prepared.

We get but this time to live out our lives, not knowing when it will end. You don't know if it will be your last hug, or your last kiss, or the last smile you will see. It's a sombering thought.

I don't have things resolved with every person. There are a few people where I don't know how to fix things.

The past few years, God has brought people to help me walk out my fears. I once heard our fears are often gerbils dressed in drag. How silly that is.

How silly to allow fears to prevent us from living a full life, the one we desire. This year, I have faced so many fears, as well as in the past few. It hasn't been easy, but I have been gaining greater freedom as I face the lies of those fears that have held me in bondage.

I'm not so afraid anymore of the fears - I won't even claim them as mine. One day, they'll all be gone and I'll have complete freedom (probably not in this life).

I still have a fear of needles. Them drawing blood and giving me an IV sure hurt like the dickens, but I took it and am now fine. They were able to use those things to help me.

It's not that we have to have the absence of fear, but courage is when you act despite fear. I do know that without Christ, I would not have the ability to truly face my fears, because I'm so easily beset by them.

Today is a new day, and though I'm exhausted with no sleep, I praise God that He gives me another day to live, to enjoy my children and the people I love and care about. God is good all the time.