Serve God

Tonight I am left feeling a bit confused, and I know God is not the author of confusion.  Maybe it's quite simple, but it doesn't make sense to me.  What does it mean to serve God through serving others?  Christ was a servant to us and He is our example.

I thought that I was serving God, but now, I'm not sure if I have been serving God at least with how other people shared about how they serve God.  There are some condemnation and judging feelings I'm having, so I'm guessing and know these are not from God.  Is there something God is attempting to tell me here that I just don't get?

Being a single mom with 2 kids and going through what seems like a great war with my ex, I don't feel I have the bandwidth to go out and minister to the homeless, or to take a missions trip, or even maybe create a non-profit to minister to those less fortunate.

What do I do?  With the little resources that I do have, I do the best I can to provide for my children and meet their needs.  Sometimes financially there is so little or sometimes nothing, but my kids have real needs, like needing medical care, or putting gas in the car, or food on the table.  It takes time, sometimes to figure out how to do this.  Sometimes God just brings it on, but other times, and most often, it takes me doing some action for God to release this here.  How is this serving?

To be truthful, I am left this evening feeling like I've failed at serving God.  Yes, I teach Sunday School to these little kids and I do it joyfully, looking forward to it.  Yeah, but so do other teachers.   I can think of one particular teacher who does an exceptional job.  I can learn from her.  Is she serving better than me?  Or, are we both serving the way God has for each of us?

I'm learning to be more faithful in my prayer, and getting more committed to doing this corporately.  But, is this serving?  As a single mom, I give a great deal to my children, often more than I have.  Is that serving?  I don't think it's in my own strength usually, because it seems like I'm called to huge feats that I cannot accomplish without God equipping me.

I teach my children the Word of God nearly daily.  Some days I slip up and we don't get time with God through His Word in.  Does that mean I'm less there?  We daily at a minimum start and end our days praising God, thanking Him with grateful hearts.  Is this serving God? 

When different women in our church have babies, I like to provide at least a meal to help out the families, but it's not like it's all the time. 

I was told something today to focus on 3 really best things that happened to me today and to do this each night before going to sleep, dwell on those things.  Okay.  This person gets peaceful good sleep all the time.  My sleep is riddled with dreams.  They aren't frightening dreams, and I do believe most of the dreams are from God telling me stuff.  I do wake up feeling not always well rested, but tired.  Though, God does give me good energy to go through my days usually.

Many of the dreams are prophetic.  Sometimes (often) they are dreams regarding my life.  Other times they are dreams for other people.  Why don't I feel refreshed when I wake up?    So, am I doing something wrong?

I often go to sleep dwelling and meditating on Scripture, as it talks about in Joshua 1:8.  And, though I may wake up with dreams that I dreamt that night, often I just lie in bed for awhile and sing praises to God, often songs that I learned as a young kid, Scripture Verses put to song.  Is that bad?  So, why is my body not always refreshed?

Maybe I have things confused in my flesh and spirit?  I really don't know.  I definitely don't want to be out of alignment with God.  I'm probably making this harder than it really needs to be, right?

God must be #1 in my whole life.  Okay, I get that, I think. 

Am I serving God with my photos?  Like people have told me they love it when I take the photos and although I've gotten complaints from others about my photos when I'm taking them, I also get compliments.  It's confusing.  Is it their own brokenness?  I love taking pictures and I love sharing them.  It's a journey of not just the things I participate in, but it's in sharing of lives and moments without passing judgment.  Am I allowing other's brokenness to get to me, or am I missing something?

Is some levels of servanthood better than others?

I volunteer at my children's school and in their grades.  Maybe it's because I want to be closer to my children that I don't do some of the other things that maybe have less involvement with my kids, so does it make my serving less?  My volunteering is typically 2-4 days/week.  I think it's helped out dozens of kids and developing relationships with the kids, parents, teachers & staff.  It's a little non-descript and I don't get much attention or notariety for it.  It doesn't matter to me at all because I love those kids, and love being a part of my kids' lives much more that way.  Is this not serving?

Does God want me to step up my level of serving?  Am I actually serving? 

When I was trading, I often got lots of questions there and this resulted in me teaching many different people about trading, yet, I never got paid for any of it.  Was that serving? 

If someone asked me for $10,000 towards the building fund, could I serve that way?  At least right where I'm at right now, that's not something I have to give.  Does that mean I'm not a good servant for God?  I know it was not the intent of the person who talked about all this for me to feel this way, but obviously to me I am confused.

So, is there an area that I am offended in?  Time to go to God and spend that time with Him seeing what He will say to me.