Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Your Character Behind Closed Doors


Death Valley - Bad Water Basin (Nov'16)

I have been challenged each week as I attend my Women's Bible Study with various aspects of not only things regarding my marriage and family, but also me personally in my walk with God.  Actually, it's really about my walk with the Lord.

The true test of what kind of character you have is what you do behind closed doors when nobody knows or can see what you're doing aside from God.  This also means your spouse and children don't know or cannot see how you are, rather only God.  I'm of the belief that all our sins find us out sooner or later because the Bible talks about this in both the Old Testament (OT) and the New Testament (NT).

I guess I felt a bit smug in this that I felt that I was not a hidden sin type person, but I guess this really subtle sin was hidden and even I didn't take responsibility for that I could have known hidden sin in my life.  Though I have been a born-again Christian since I was 7 yrs, and now 48 yrs old, I felt pretty confident that yes, I do sin and make mistakes, but to knowingly be a person or do something that showed a lack of integrity, I didn't feel I was that person, or at least have gotten that out of my system.

I'm going to share several translations of some verses in both the OT and the NT that talk about our sins finding us out.

1.  Number 32:23 (OT)
  • HCSB - But if you don’t do this, you will certainly sin against the Lord; be sure your sin will catch up with you.
  • ESV - But if you will not do so, behold, you have sinned against the Lord, and be sure your sin will find you out.
  • CEV -  But if you don’t keep your promise, you will sin against the Lord and be punished.
  • NABRE But if you do not do this, you will have sinned against the Lord, and you can be sure that the consequences of your sin will overtake you.
  • NLT But if you fail to keep your word, then you will have sinned against the Lord, and you may be sure that your sin will find you out.
  • VOICE But if you fail to follow through, your sin against the Eternal will follow you. Wherever you go, it will go badly for you.
  • MSG - “But if you don’t do what you say, you will be sinning against God; you can be sure that your sin will track you down. So, go ahead. Build towns for your families and corrals for your livestock. Do what you said you’d do.”
  • CEB But if you don’t do this, you’ve sinned against the Lord. Know that your sin will find you.
It's always helpful to look at a verse in different translations to get a better understanding of what you are reading.  And, better yet, you can go to the Greek and Hebrew to look things up for further understanding about various words.  We can see that if we try to hide sin, it eventually gets exposed.  God sees to it.

2.  Luke 12:2 (NT)
  • AMP  - But there is nothing [so carefully] concealed that it will not be revealed, nor so hidden that it will not be made known.
  • GW - Nothing has been covered that will not be exposed. Whatever is secret will be made known.
  • ICB - Everything that is hidden will be shown. Everything that is secret will be made known.
  • NIV - There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known.
God had to remind me as well as humble me in a gentle way to share with me that I am also accountable and there was still an area of my life that hadn't come under submission to the Lord.  The Bible tells wives to submit to our husbands and foolishly I thought I had been doing that.  But last night, an area of something I had done without my husband's approval was exposed.

Who exposed it?  God used me to expose it accidentally.  I had bought something without my husband's approval.  Now, mind you, I don't need his approval when it comes to every day things like buying groceries and things like that.  But on more expensive things that I don't normally buy, we mutually agreed quite some time back that we would get each others' agreement before purchasing such things.  

My husband had been doing that and for things I object, we discuss and come to a compromise.  But, the prior year, I wanted to get something and he disagreed.  It was a great price and on sale and a bit pricey.  Without asking him or letting him know, I went ahead and purchased a Target Gift Card for $300 for $270 or something like that.  Maybe less.

I believe I did this back in December sometime, so nearly 3 months ago and I had used it to buy various things our family needed the past 3 months.  And, I only had about $8 or so left of that $300.  I'm usually always very open and forthright with my husband.  He knows all my passwords to everything, and can get on my computer, iPad, iPhone or anything anytime.

I willfully bought this without his permission or even knowledge until last night.  I tried to justify and rationalize why it wasn't wrong of me to do so for a little bit with him.  But, my husband finally responded, knowing that I am very sensitive to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, he said to me, "If it wasn't wrong, you would have told me about it.  You didn't tell me because you knew it was wrong."

Wow!!  That hit me like a ton of bricks.  I thought I was completely transparent with my husband, but I was deceiving myself.  Maybe 98% of the time I was, but this 2% Target gift card was not.  My husband told me that caused him to lose some trust in me that evening.  He didn't yell at me.  He didn't order or demand of me anything.  He just said it wasn't right of me of what I did.

My husband wasn't looking to catch me in anything.  In fact, he didn't even have a clue, but God made it possible to reveal my sin through me.  What was hidden was now exposed.  I didn't want to take responsibility.

The fact was, if I use the gift card, I don't get 5% off.  So, technically, I only saved 5%, $15 and I allowed $15 to cause my husband to lose some trust in me for which I have to rebuild back.  I want to be completely trustworthy not only to my husband, but also to God.

See, submitting to our husbands isn't easy.  It is counter to what our society teaches us.  But, God's ways are always better.  I have seen how God has blessed multiple times over when I truly trusted God instead of taking things into my own hands, thinking I know better.  I have trusted God in so many things through my husband and I have seen God's hand of blessing upon us, upon me.

Even if my husband still said no, then I am to honor and respect my husband and not buy whatever it is.  Even if he is wrong and maybe there is some negative thing that happens, I'm still to trust God.  Eventually, God will bring blessing when He sees fit.  I failed here and that greatly grieves me as I have hurt not only my husband, but particularly God.
  • Romans 2:4 says in the NOG, "Do you have contempt for God, who is very kind to you, puts up with you, and deals patiently with you? Don’t you realize that it is God’s kindness that is trying to lead you to him and change the way you think and act?".
This is an opportunity for me to get this right with God through asking Him to forgive me, and then to change the way I think and act with His help.  THAT is repentance.  It's not only the act of forgiveness, but to change from the heart what brought you to that sin in the first place.  It's those little character flaws that can really lead to a person's downfall.

Though we are not financially wealthy at this point, before God can give more to me, to us, He has to make sure not only can we handle it, but that we have the integrity, strength of character to be people of honor, people of integrity, willing to do the right thing no matter what.

As I always tell my children, we can learn lessons quickly or we can keep repeating them and the lessons will get harder and harder.  It's better to have a $30 (actually $15) lesson than a $30 billion or more lesson.

What are you like in secret?  If they are sins against the Almighty God, eventually your hidden, secret sins will find you out.  God will make sure of it.  I am grateful for God's kindness in this in showing me, revealing my flaws to me with someone safe and giving me the opportunity to right this wrong.
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