Our Children

The Bible talks about how children are a blessing from God, and they are.  I also realize that not everyone has children and just because you don't have children, does not mean that God is not blessing Your life.  It's just that your blessings are different.  Sometimes blessings don't seem like blessings, at times.  Those of us who are parents or who have been parents realize this.

Parenting isn't an easy job, nor is it always fun and games.

Right now my precious daughter has a severe case of chicken pox and must endure it.  Her immune system isn't as good overall as her brother's, who had the chickon pox just a few weeks before her and though his seemed not too great, she is relative to his experience, much worse.  To watch your child suffering and know that they have to go through this, to tough it out is really challenging.  You see them in pain and want to just take it for them.

When one child or both children are sick, or even if you're sick, it's hard on everyone and definitely NOT fun.  As a single parent, I must be the one that gets up in the middle of the night multiple times, or the one who goes to bed late after all is done, when it's really not all done, rather some things are done because the things you wanted to get done aren't, but the things you absolutely had to, is.

I see when my kids go through sickness and their response, and often, how I role-model recovering through sickness, they are somewhat similar or the opposite.  It's amazing how that happens, isn't it?

Last night when coming home with my son, I found him whining & complaining again.  He seems to be doing that more often and it's really exhausting and angers me.  But, as I write this morning and thinking, our children often mirror how we parents (or those they are most regularly exposed to) are and if it's not like us, then in it's in response to us.  Now, I'm not saying this is 100% true all the time.  But, parents do have a great impact upon their children, whether they are present or absent.

For example, let's say you're a very responsible person and you find your children are irresponsible.  That seems like complete opposites.  Maybe as a very responsible person and let your children actually learn to be responsible, your control issues are imposed upon your children.  You can't let go to really let your kids learn to be responsible by making mistakes, so then you actually create children who are dependent upon you, as you always pick up the pieces if they should mess up, which creates co-dependency.  That is unhealthy.

We have to learn to take an honest look at the situation, ourselves.  It's a challenge to say that you, the parent, are responsible for how your child is turning out. 

It is often heard that some of the worst children in the church are the pastor's children (that's not the case in my church, though).  Why is that?  Often, I'm guessing, is that the pastor is so busy attending to the congregation's needs, that he fails in being there for his children.  He assumes that because they are in a Christian environment that they will pick up biblical traits and adopt them as their own.  Rather, the kids are probably starving for affection and attention.  And, perhaps being the pastor's children, there is a lot of pressure to be "perfect" and the father does nothing to assure the kids they are accepted and loved, no matter what and they do not have to perform to those standards that others impose upon them.

So, the pastor may even be harsher on his kids to be "perfect", which then causes rebellion.  The Bible says rebellion is as witchcraft. 

When I see my children complaining a lot, I have to honestly look to see if I am role modeling a bad attitude and my children are just reflecting how I am.  Very sobering.

As my children and I are reading through the whole Bible this year for the first time together and we are doing this out loud.  There is something awesome about reading aloud together, listening, questioning, discussing what we read.  God repeats Himself A LOT throughout the Bible. 

The schedule we are following is broken up into the first 1/2 of the OT, second 1/2 of the OT and NT.  I have the first part, my daughter the 2nd, and my son the last each day.  And, what we find is what is mentioned in each of the third's has some of the same points and stories again and again.  Even within the same section or even same book, God repeats Himself. 

I hate being nagged to death.  The Bible talks about it like it being a dripping faucet.  In fact, they use dripping water as a form of torture in some countries.  That's what nagging is like.  God is not a nag, but sparsed throughout the Bible, God reiterates the same points in various different stories or examples, just in case we didn't get it.  Sometimes He does this in a harsh way, and other times very gently.  There is everything in between, too.

God reminds depending upon the reactions of His people.  He does give mercy and grace, but that is only after repentance.  Repentance involves not only asking for forgiveness, but it also means a change of actions as a result of a change of heart.

My mom is a professed and proud nag.  She will admit it herself.  She feels that is an effective way to communicate, when, for me, it brought about rebellion.  For me, that is not an effective way to get someone to do something.  I work much better on communicating to me once and maybe with a reminder, but not in a nagging way.  It's my choice to do it or not.  With either choices, there are consequences.  When the pain is enough, we will often change how we do things.  It's human nature.

But, wouldn't hit be great that we didn't need take this route for change?

My siblings and I are not nags.  I don't nag as a parent.  I set an expectation with my kids and they can choose to follow it or not, but with each, there is a consequence and I follow through fairly consistently.  It's not easy to do this.  What this creates is children who will begin to think which route do they want to take.  What kind of consequence do they want to have?

I've found when I've gotten exasperated, it's when I set an expectation and don't follow through.  Then, I get mad at my kids, when, it's really me who is forming this with my kids. 

We, as parents, can be too permissive, which creates a certain type of kids.  If we are too harsh, that also creates another type of kid.  The Bible speaks against both things.  God strikes a healthy balance of tough love as well as just loving on His kids.  And, even kid is different.  Some kids need greater tough love and others do not, even within the same family and same parents.  Remarkable! Every person is unique!