Tired

My kids and I for the past week or so have been going through Exodus, among some other books we are concurrently reading in our Read Through the Bible in A Year (we are taking about 4-5 months to do this).  God doesn't waste anything.  As I think about how clueless the Israelites were when coming out of Egypt and all their griping and complaining after all the miracles God did for them - like parting the Red Sea, water out of the rock, manna from Heaven, all those birds, drowning the Egyptian army, the 10 plagues and so much more.

Tonight as I shared with my life group in tears how tired I was of where I was and living on miracle after miracle instead of living on my own self-sufficiency.  What a terrible lie that is that I would be self-sufficient.  God is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord who Provides.  God provides EVERYTHING in my life from the breath I take, to my eyes blinking, to my home, the food I eat, my children and the list goes on.  I am NOT the provider of anything.

The fact that God would give me miracle after miracle and I would be tired of that?  How deceived I am!  I don't want to be like that generation that died in the wilderness who never got to see the Promised Land because of their moaning and groaning, and that they were unwilling to grow up, to mature inspite of all that God did for them.

I really had to repent to God.  There is preparation time to go into the Promised Land, and once you're there, it's not smooth sailing,.  You then need to conquer the giants in the Land.  God doesn't just banish all those Giants, rather it's a process of getting rid of them because in that process, we mature & grow.  I don't remember reading that before in Exodus, but when I read it recently, God said that if He got rid of all the Israelite's enemies, the animals would overtake the land and it would eventually harm the Israelites.

There is this fantasy that I have that God would just solve all my problems from my former spouse, to financial, to relational, to physical, to spiritual quickly.  I don't think I would appreciate it, if He did, nor recognize God's work, rather thinking that I, myself, caused this.  Ha!  How foolish that thinking is.

God is good ALL the time.  Through Him giving me the strength and grace, I can walk through all that I must go through.  In this life, I will never fully arrive.  But, somehow in this process, to find the peace of God that surpasses all understanding and to walk out this storm with God's peace surrounding me would be miraculous.

I am so very blessed that God chooses to send miracles daily to grace the lives of my children and I.  Yes, there is a tiredness in being here, but once again, I ask God to give me His eternal eyes to walk through this.  He is so very good and we are so very blessed.