I woke up early this morning thinking about someone, and I started to cry. Guess it didn't help that I've been listening to some 80s songs like . . . Babe, Boys of Summer, Desert Moon, Don't Cry, I Ain't Missing You, Love Story (not 80s), New Song, The Smile Has Left Your Eyes, Things Can Only Get Better, Time Takes Its Toll (not 80s), Whatever It Takes, and You Belong To Me.
Guess that's not a real happy play list. That, combined with the weather, my mood is pretty pathetic and sad.
Yesterday I talked to my life group leader about this person. I really thought I was alright and wouldn't be this impacted. Boy, was I wrong. Tears just flowed down my face.
Incidentally, it was pouring outside as we were in his car just talking. He's such a kind soul to be the driver and carpool with myself and 2 other women in our group.
Okay, maybe my heart is a bit more than chipped, rather just broken, fractured. Wow, coming up to Christmas in less than 2 weeks.
I wonder and ask God why? What purpose did all of this serve? Did my heart need to hurt some more? Did I not get enough pain this year? I'm not angry at God. I let myself go probably where I should not have, despite my guardedness. I didn't guard my heart well enough, so now I experience pain.
I'm still trying to figure out where I went wrong and what lesson I need to learn. Haven't figured it out. My motivation level to do stuff right now wanes.
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