Although it's not the very last day of the year, I wanted to reflect a bit on being grateful, having gratitude. Today I began to take an inventory on my journey with gratitude. Over five years ago, I began to keep a gratitude journal online, with basically starting out with 5 gratitudes a day. This stemmed off a group that I belong to online, a goal in that group that I was a part of.
Now, more than 5 yrs later and over 27,000 gratitudes logged, 1883 days journaled (I've missed 3 days total in 5 yrs), I can truly see God's hand of love, mercy and grace covering my kids and I.
In 2006, I retired from my profession in engineering, hoping to never need to go back. But, I was also burned out from work, not doing well with recovering from a traumatic event the year before. I started doing my gratitudes in the last quarter of the year. I averaged 6 gratitudes a day.
In 2007, my children's and my world fell apart at the discovery of my husband's affairs and adultery, and him walking away from our marriage. I also discovered the financial demise he put us in and also walked away from, leaving me to raise 2 young kids alone and destroying our finances that I worked for many years to build. The storms began to brew. I averaged 10 gratitudes a day. Missed 2 days.
In 2008, I continued to work on grasping at straws to hold what little of our finances there were and getting help, but to no avail. My divorce was finalized, but I was still a wreck, as my kids. We began counseling to help us recover from the devestation. I averaged 11 gratitudes a day. I missed 1 day.
In 2009, financial collaspe of our personal finances was inevitable. We had to sell our home and move in with my dad. I praise God my dad is around to help us, but definitely humbling. We were flat broke and deeply in debt.
My ex-husband took no responsibility for what he caused, though, legally he is obligated. But, I was left to bear all the burden. I averaged 17 gratitudes a day. I missed NO days.
In 2010, it was adjusting to everything, but no additional turmoil beyond what was already happening. I averaged 15 gratitudes a day. I missed NO days.
In 2011, it was a year of hell being in court 7-8 times for 3 different things. With finances being drained, living on miracles, gaining back weight that took me months to lose, it seemed like things were never going to get better. I averaged 20 gratitudes a day.
I noticed in the years when things were particularly bad, even though all of them seemed that way, I dug my heels in and thanked God more. It wasn't for the bad circumstances, rather for drawing me closer to Him and for teaching, correcting and refining me to be more like Him.
It says in Psalm 100:4-5, 4
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
I can honestly attest to God's faithfulness through everything we've been through. I'm learning to step out of victim mode and once again get up, stand up, and instead of placing my confidence on myself in my own independence, rather humbly stand up and rely on God through everything.
God has moved on the hearts of many people, including total strangers, to give us favor, assistance, support & encouragement. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and in my case, it's required my community, which consists of my family, church, friends, and strangers to come along side of us.
God has moved heaven and earth to change my heart, attitudes, viewpoints towards so many things. I have come to realize that we need to very little. Life is much simpler. Though I would never wish what happened in our lives to anyone, God turned around what the enemy meant for bad and to destroy, these awful circumstances has helped us learn to appreciate these blessings in disguise. My precious Lord did major housecleaning in my life.
Through my tears, heartache and pain, God held my heart in His hands and cried, too. He bottled our tears and did not allow one to be wasted. Instead of seeing with eyes of having lost much, I've gained more than could ever be imagined. There is a sweetness that fills and envelopes my children's and my life.
It is humbling to see a heart of gratitude developed through the gift of pain. I praise my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for the pain He endured so I could be free and grateful.
How grateful are you? I encourage you to daily live with gratitude. It'll change your life.
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