To Christian Leaders

My husband and I this morning were talking about the church - the difference between the church I used to go to and the church I now go to.  We also talked about drawing people to Christ and how our lives as Christians are in the U.S. as opposed to another country.

Since I have never lived abroad, but my husband comes from Colombia, I don't have his perspective, but now I am seeing more his perspective after having left my previous church.  While there, people were nice to me, at least to my face.  Now, I realize that the church is made up of flawed people and no church is without flawed people.

I have seen more growth in my Christian walk after having left my last church and I didn't realize why.  And it was because I was no longer being confined to an underlying legalism that I didn't realize existed.  Now I can see more of what it was.

Not on social media much except in one place and I do see the how now I am shunned by most of the people that I went to church with - both still now attending that church and by many of those whom no longer go there anymore.  It's sort of weird.  I didn't leave that church because I was angry, rather it didn't seem like we were fitting there anymore.  Frankly, I'm not sure if we fit there for quite some time.

Yes, I learned a lot and perhaps I could have connected more.  In my own brokenness, my own flaws, maybe I should have connected better.  Maybe it through my writing, my posts I connected with people.  I found it odd that some people were super friendly with me, but that was only because they wanted something from me - they needed my help, they needed me to fill in for them, or to bring something or anything like that.

Yes, there were a number of years I was needy and I was helped by the church.  For that, I am grateful.  I wasn't asking for it, but some people out of their own hearts, came to assist me.  I'm not saying all things or even most things are bad of that former church, but I am left confused.  When I make a comment on someone's stuff and they are wanting to connect with people, I guess ignoring them, eventually they go away.

What was my crime?  I was just trying to provide for the needs of my family and they weren't being met where we were, so with careful prayer for over 2 yrs, we made the decision to leave.  It was scary to leave my comfort zone, and after searching every Sunday for several months and talking to a number of churches, we found a church we liked that we all agreed we wanted to be there.

Is being a Christian ousting those not in your clique?  I have been offended at some people deleting me, while yet retaining others whom we know, or ignoring my friend requests, or blocking me.  What did I do wrong?  I am a wife, a mother, a friend, a Christian, a follower of Christ.  But, I wonder to some of these teachers of the Bible, are they really just a Pharisee, claiming they love Christ, but don't really love others?

Ghandi would have become a Christian, I would surmise, except that he saw the lack of love and the actions of those people who called themselves Christ followers.  Jesus spoke Truth to people.  He loved ALL people.  He may have not accepted or liked their actions, but He loved ALL peoples.

My husband had told me maybe there wasn't really anyone at my last church that really liked me.   That hurt to hear, but I think he's probably correct.  Maybe all those meals I made, or helping people move, or praying for others never really mattered except to be used for at that time.  Maybe Life Group there was just to form those social cliques and if you're outside of them, you're not accepted.

I saw some other people also at the church ousted by people from the church.  I didn't oust them.  I would still talk to them.  If I didn't talk to them, and there was only one person, it wasn't because of the church, rather it was because she couldn't respect my boundaries which I had told her directly.  I think my past church.

Maybe I should have talked to the pastor about us leaving, but quite a few other people had tried to do that before me and it didn't go well with them.  I never felt super connected to the pastor and felt mostly that he was beyond me.  And, at the time of where I was, I didn't want to feel further rejection so I just disappeared into the night.

Not saying everyone there is like that.  I can name one person who is not like that at all, maybe two.  But, if a church is to grow and to flourish, maybe when people leave, shutting the door to them may not be a good thing either.

Honestly, I've never faced this before, well maybe some when I divorced my first husband and left that church.  That's understandable as his family had been there for more than 2 decades and me divorcing their son . . .

Maybe it's just the church I left.  I didn't feel I left on bad terms.  Well, it's just the way it is.  I just need to know that I don't want to be like many of those whom are doing this - look good on the outside, play Christian well, but only use people for when you need them for whatever your purpose is and then when they are of no use, then discard them.  Keep preaching the Gospel, but don't have to live it.