Maturing

I can tell that I am maturing emotionally, feel better about myself, as well as growing spiritually in the right direction. As I evaluate the only relationship I've been in since my divorce, there were some key elements that told me "caution" and now I'm seeing them more clearly.

• Our value and worth are rooted in Jesus. If we're depending on someone else to validate who we are, that's not a good thing, because in the end, it's a fruitless & unfulfilling thing. As I look back at my own walk with the Lord, I used to live for the words and praises of other men to tell me how to value myself. If they said I looked "beautiful" or "sexy", I'd hang onto these words. It really doesn't matter anymore what they say as I know who I am and it doesn't depend on anyone saying anything to me.


• Not having the need to look for greener pastures, but working with the good that I already have. We can have wishful thinking, but it's that. Work with what you have unless it's soomething really bad and you just need to scrap it.


• Inability to properly communicate or articulate desires, needs, boundaries. Communication is not under-rated. It is necessary in every relationship, and it must be effective, timely, and appropriate.


• Inability to have appropriate boundaries. Healthy boundaries are good safeguards to protect our relationship with the Lord.


• One of the things I noticed when my relationship with God was weak and immature was that I had the need to have multiple men validate ME. It's like with my dogs or how many people are. They want what someone else has. I felt flattered when I was taken or unavailable to other men and those other men would pursue me. This was such faulty thinking, as these other men had no respect for my unavailability. It was control, disrespect and a host of other not ungodly traits in those other men.

While I was in my courtship, most of my single male friends dropped out of sight, or kept very low communications with me. Those that continued to hit on me showed disrespect, even after I repeatedly set the boundary. I'm so glad as I think of the couple of men that did that, they are not men that truly cared about me, and it would be to my best interest to not get involved with them or really even keep them in my life.

We become what we associate with. It takes maturity to not be swayed with every whim. God is still working on me. Getting there by God's grace.