Momentary Kisses

As my eyes gaze out to the beauty of the horizon, which is tinged with purples, blues, reds, oranges, my heart expands in wonder.  In the distance, I can hear the laughter of my children as they toss the football.  Other families are out playing as well, couples walking their dogs,  One ear of the iPod phones are in my ear, the other just dangles freely.

My steps walk leisurely as I enjoy the coolness of the coming evening.  There was a time I shared that walk at a different time with someone, but it's no longer.  Do I miss that person?  No, but I do miss the company.  I imagined that God was walking beside me, whispering in my ear how much He loves me.  It's warm & inviting, sincere.  There are no pretenses.  I'm completely loved and accepted just as I am.

A part of my heart is broken still over the brokenness of my family, relationships with men, my marriages.  Nothing can restore them.  But, restoring them would do no good because they were broken, not right to begin with.  Why would I want to keep such a thing?

It is enough, though.  Through the summer it was so hot, but it did not begin until late this year.  I remember walking in the mornings with it being so cool, refreshing -- then I sprained my ankle and it got hot.  Did God kiss me there?  Now as it cools down again, feeling the gentle breezes flowing through my hair & clothes, it's as if God's kisses tenderly meet me again.  Though I am not 100% healed in my ankle, there is an appreciation for each step taken.  It is enough for now.  Going through the pain, the healing process, the physical therapy, the icing, the rest, the strengthening exercises is equipping me to be able to do the things I am now.

Maybe going through the pain of all those broken relationships gives me a fresher appreciation for when the time will come healthy relationships will come again, however, always with that reminder of what caused the brokenness so that I appreciate what I have.  There are still tinges of anger that need God's "icing" - His forgiveness.  The rest is time away from relationships.  The physical therapy is friendships to help strengthen me.  I'm not ready for any relationshiups at this point.

Rest, ice, physical therapy, and time --- all combinations of God's healing power at work, but all separate and different steps in the process of healing.  God's grace is enough.

Today I do feel lonely, rather I will open myself up to what God's going to show me today and how He's going to bless me.  The people God brought into my life with the physical therapy were awesome, but it was just for a time.  Loved going there, but there got to be a point that I wanted to be done.  It was time to fly the coop.  I don't think I'm there yet with the relationships.  There is still work for God to do here.

God is always good.  His timing is absolutely perfect.