When You Rise Up - Chapter 2 - What Does He Know?

On Our Wedding Day - Simple Bands, But A Deep Love That Crossed Oceans & Continents

1.  Share one or two differences between you and your husband that first attracted you to him before you were married.  Has this changed?  If so, why do you think it has?

Two things that attracted me to my husband originally were his ability to really take the time to listen and his good manners.  Many Latin American men I knew were arrogant and egotistical and I was not attracted to such men.  He still is a great listener and takes the time to listen, whereas I am a hurried listener.  And, unless he's really upset, he is a gentle person.  So in both these, he has changed for the better.  And I have learned to become a better listener.  Though, I still have a long ways to go.  He's helped me to be a better listener by providing helpful feedback and with EMDR therapy, EFT, soaking warfare prayer, I am changing.  My personality is fairly aggressive and assertive, but I'm seeing that isn't always the best and seeing that there are times to be gentler, kinder.  Now my husband's style of listening and responding to things, especially when things upset him, are much better.  He's learned to acknowledge when he's wrong, apologize and to make changes to not do again.  But, we've both changed a lot for the better.

2.  Name one parenting difference that you have with your husband that may be a difficulty for you.  Why do you think it is difficult?  (Be sure to be respectful toward your husband if you are sharing this in a group.)

My husband is very consistent in parenting and he doesn't forget usually.  I used to be the complete opposite - really nice and wonderful, soft and then really harsh when I was frustrated, like a roller coaster.  What I was doing was not good.  My husband's consistency has been super helpful and has helped given the kids greater stability, even if they don't always like the correction and discipline.  There is greater respect, honor and order in our home, as well as peace and I believe happiness.

Being consistent in parenting is challenging for me because I grew up in a very strict, harsh home and I didn't want my kids to feel like I felt - useless, good for nothing.  I know now that my parents didn't mean it like that but that wasn't so when I was a kid and I ended up making a lot of bad choices because of it.  I want my kids to be sparred that, but I also don't want them to feel entitled and not work for or earn things that they should be.

3.  How does Philippians 2:3-4 - 3 In whatever you do, don’t let selfishness or pride be your guide. Be humble, and honor others more than yourselves. 4 Don’t be interested only in your own life, but care about the lives of others too. (ERV) encourage you to see your husband's unique perspective?

There are usually multiple ways to skin a cat.  Our perspective is based off our experiences, knowledge, emotions, values, beliefs.  No two people are exactly alike.  I've learned that my husband has great insights that shock the pants off me often.  I didn't think he thought that deeply about some things and he does.  Whereas, sometimes I think in some things he thinks deeply and he doesn't.  He has a high emotional intelligence and I've come often to value this great quality in him.

4.  Is there any area in your marriage that you need to give your husband more respect?  Is there something in which you know he needs your verbal support?  how will you show him respect his week?

I think when I'm stressed out, tired, and/or not feeling well, sometimes I take things wrong and can be quite sarcastic in a mean way.  This is not good and right now while I'm under the weather, I need to be extra careful that I'm not offensive and more understanding as he is understanding towards me.

He loves his bonsai tree hobby and though at the beginning I fought him on it, the Holy Spirit convicted me that I am to let me husband lead, be loving, kind, supportive, but also offer good wisdom (when asked) and God will take care of things, even if my husband makes mistakes, which he will.  Learning to let this go and show him support, be interested in his bonsai stuff through taking photos, helping him with his plants with watering, misting and all the many things I do are things I show support to him.  Also, having a great attitude and truly being interested and concerned when he is.

5.  Reflect back on the following verses from this chapter and write out how you can apply them to your marriage today.

• Proverbs 12:18 - 18 Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal. (GNT)
• While I'm ill, I can THINK before speaking.  Is this value added?  Is this going to help?  Sometimes silence is better than saying poor words.  I know I'm getting better in this because of all the loving things my husband is giving back to me in affection.

• Proverbs 16:21 - A wise person gets known for insight; gracious words add to one’s reputation. (MSG)
• I am learning that I do not have to fix or solve all problems.  Sometimes my husband just wants to tell me things and he doesn't want anything from me except listening to him.  For this, my husband is most appreciative and it makes him feel loved, feeling listened to and respected because he doesn't need me to solve everything for him.  I'm his wife, his life partner, not his mom.

• James 1:19-20 - 19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. (NLT)
• Sometimes just by listening and not reacting emotionally, it's a great thing.  Actually, usually.  Sometimes we get angry as we don't fully understand the situation and even if we do, doing things in a calm, rational manner is usually far better than being over reactive.  God can do great things when we control anger.  Another way to help control anger is to continually forgive those who offend us so that no bitterness takes root in our hearts, thus we are not angry people.

• Ephesians 5:33b - and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear].
• My husband has really taken notice of how much more loving I am towards him by not over reacting and being all emotional about everything and about wanting control over everything.  This has caused him to be a much nicer, gentler, caring husband as well as more affectionate in the way I want.  It's taking awhile, but if we honor God in His Word, even if it looks impossible, He will make a way.  I treasure my husband by respecting him through my words and actions.