Favor

When I started this blog, I honestly thought I would be writing significantly more to it as I felt excited about the things God was doing, at least the positive part of me. In February, I had come back from a financial seminar that I thought was really awesome where I gained some valuable insights on better managing my money. One of the things promised was that each family could find $2,000 where they could save a year.

Surely in my situation where the financial condition is not good and that looked bleak, it was exciting to know that even with the small amount of money that we had that God helped me to be resourceful and figure out how to get $2K extra per year without bringing in more money. So very exciting.

Then, a week later, our source of income was taken completely away where we went down to basically $0. How do you live on $0 a month coming in when your financial resources are depleted? This truly was a test of trusting God in all this.

There's a huge story here of going from pretty well-off middle class to bringing in $0, being flat broke, and relying on God to really resource all this. It wasn't that I didn't plan or save for many years, but due to many different circumstances, this was where I was at the beginning of March.

What do I do, Lord?

Psalm is one of my favorite books of the Bible, but if you really read it, David isn't happily praising God because everything is hunky dory in his life, rather things are pretty crappy. There are times he's being hunted down like an animal to be killed, yet he's praising God. Was David a lunatic or just God gave him a much extra dose of ability to endure pain and just be happy? I don't think so on either accounts.

Rather, David does get depressed, is angry, frustrated, in despair. He cries out to God and there are times he felt alone, forsaken. However, he realizes those are the lies of the enemy and with the relationship God and David have during these really tough times, an intimacy is created - a great deepening.

One of the things that I contend with is GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME. How can a God that is good allow so much evil? Surely God could wipe everyone out and just start over, right? Yes. But, the thing of free will, choice that God gives each person. Someone could choose wisely or not. It's their choice. SOMEHOW God works things out. The other thing I have to remember is that SATAN IS BAD ALL THE TIME. There is nothing bad about God and nothing good about Satan.

Although that might seem like easy statements to say, when the bad things do happen, is it from God? God could choose to treat us like puppets, but He does not. He lets us go about making our own decisions, of our own free will. God is also God. He also knows what you will do and He can help orchestrate things to help us make a better choice, or it could be a test to help strengthen a weak area in our lives.

God is the ultimate multi-tasker. He's also the master artist. He sees the picture in His mind and puts the pieces together to create the masterpiece in each of our lives.

I've put everything at stake to make the ultimate dream of raising my kids myself come true, which I've been doing for the past 3.5 yrs. Inspite of a nasty divorce & custody battle, and a string of devestating blows financially (will spare the details for now) and otherwise, I feel sort of like Rocky as he gets back up one more time, staggering, bloodied, tired.

My God has been so good to us. Surely it might seem silly to most that being able to have a full tank of gas is delightful or that being able to eat a delicious organic homecook meal, I savor the bites, or that I can go to the Dollar Store and buy anything for a $1 because I have $5 to get 5 different things. I feel like a queen. Yet, these very things just a few years before I would not have been grateful and felt that I deserved to just walk into a store and just buy what I want (within reason).

I've begun just looking at the things in my daily life where there is possibly an attitude of entitlement, indifference, or just taking for granted. Do you see areas where you have God's favor? Can you breathe easily? You can walk across the room by yourself? Can you blink? These are things many of us take for granted, but they are not a given for some people.

Thank you God that I can wiggle my toes & fingers, that I can smile and say, "Thank you." I'm so glad I have Your favor!