Apart From Me, You Can Do Nothing

John 15:5 says, 5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

We live in a society, a modern world where independence means a great deal and most people stive for this who are "successful". I am no exception, at least for most of my life. It's the way I was taught. Be independent so you don't have to rely on others. We work our whole lives for this, and often, in the end, we end up relying on others because we are too old to do it on our own or some other things happens.

At one point or another, when we become adults, we end up relying on others.

Over the past months, if there is any one single verse that sticks out to me, it's John 15:5 and the part that says, "Apart from me, you can do nothing." Do you have the argument of, "Oh yes, I can . . . XXXXXX. . . You just wait and see." And, so off we trot to our "independent actions"?

Truly without God, I cannot even take a breath. God breathed life into man. It is God that gives us our breath. How often do we really think about this, as it's an autonomic (sp?) response? We just don't unless you have asthma or something that steals your breath away.

Apart from God, I can do NOTHING! Think about it.

God provides the opportunities in my life to learn, to grow, to be refined, to help others, to show love.

When I attempt to do things on my own, not even consider God, I'm in the wrong. Too bad this isn't a rare occurrence, but it's a lifelong bad habit of mine that now after 4 decades, I'm learning about. My driving, the things I eat, the things I think about, people in my life, my dreams, and a host of things -- they cannot be improved & changed without God. God wants to be involved.

Of course, this doesn't mean we sit back and do nothing, rather it just means that God wants to be in the driver's seat, have control, while we are active participants. It can be a wonderful marriage, if we allow it to be.

Muscle Testing

God is such an incredible God. As I ponder how our bodies work, it's truly remarkable that so many systems have to work together in order for me to be well and alive and to do it in perfect order. If there was one more element added to air, it would no longer be air and I would not be able to breathe and live. Our bodies are also designed to self-heal, so as long as we provide it with the right conditions to heal, rather than hinder it.

That brings me to the topic of muscle testing. It's a way to ask our bodies if it likes something we are eating, exposed to or doing or not. You can do self-muscle testing or have someone else do the testing with you.

A couple days ago, my kids and I attended a little hour long class about how our fear responses system is developed as an infant, as well as the reflexes for this. After the class, somehow I asked a question that led to the naturopath sharing muscle testing, which the one he used, I already knew but didn't ever think to employ it in my life.

How often do we have a valuable tool right at our fingertips and we fail to utilize it to benefit our lives? One of them would be the Bible. Another would be our brain. And, still another, is the intuitive side God gives us, which operates on a subconscious level.

As we sat their, the naturopath tested my daughter on the foods she was eating. We happened to be at Jack In The Box (yes, odd place to have a health class), but not eating any of their foods, rather we bought healthier foods at the store to eat (it was a late dinner). He tested the veggies, the ranch dressing, the fruit and the water. It turned out, for my daughter, her body loved the veggies and water, but not the fruit cup nor the water bottle. Odd, eh? Goes to show that those plastic water bottles that you toss are not that good for you.

Earlier this morning when we were at a friend's house swimming, we tested her on which foods she could eat. She was disappointed that she should not eat certain things, like the pastries & chips, but her body was totally okay with her eating fresh, raw fruit, hummus, and pita. Yay!!

This afternoon, she suggested we use muscle testing to see which movies on DVD she could watch. She was the one that suggested this and I would've never thought to do this, but it was a great idea. So we would not be influenced by the movie, she did not tell me the movie and I just did the muscle testing on each movie. She was disappointed she could not watch certain movies, but accepted it.

Everything has energy - all matter is made up of energy and everything has a vibrational frequency. No, this is not New Age stuff, rather just something I learned as a child in science class. Later in life, this idea was further expounded on in more complicated ways, which I will not go further into.

Each DVD has a vibrational frequency that is different than another DVD. Somehow it translates a message to each person's body and if you listen to your body, it will tell you what it wants and what it doesn't want.

For example, we've all had to go #2 and you can tell, right? Your body gives you the signals that it wants you to go to #2 and if you ignore it long enough, you'll find this is not a very pleasant thing. Yes, a drastic scenario, but hope it gets the point across.

I've also heard of people who were lactose intolerant who take Lactaid. Now, their bodies are telling them they do NOT want dairy, yet giving the Lactaid is overriding the body's system so YOU can have what you WANT. Not good. This does bad stuff to the body if you continuouslly do this.

Those with small children, what do you do when your child says they need to go to the bathroom. YOU TAKE THEM TO THE BATHROOM IMMEDIATELY!! Why? Because they know how to listen to their bodies and to act quickly. How we as adults can learn from little children.

Just as our bodies tell us things to do and not to do, so does the Holy Spirit. For those who are Christians, the Holy Spirit speaks to our own spirit, guiding us into making right decisions. Do we listen? Sometimes it just seems like a little hint or a voice that speaks so quietly. We do need to know how to listen to the Holy Spirit when it says we should or should not do something.

Anyway, I thought this was a great thing my kids and I learned this week and a fun thing, too.

There are sites that if you google it, you'll come up with all sorts of things on muscle testing. Some of them are pretty bizarre and I would not get into. Use wisdom in the sites you go to and ask God for discernment. I was interested in some self muscle testing and googled that and came up with some far out New Age stuff that gave me the creeps. Decided the Holy Spirit was giving me a warning to not go there and so I moved onto some other sites that were okay.

Also, what may be okay for one person may not be for another -- it really depends upon your relationship with God and where you are spiritually. When my daughter did the muscle testing for me on the movies, my group of movies were much bigger than hers, however, there were certain movies (mainly those that had romantic love stories) my body told me that I ought not watch. That was hilarious because that was also done blindly and we looked at the list of movies after all the muscle testing was done and it turned out those love stories were things for me NOT to watch. My body knows better.

Dreams

For most of my life, that I can recall, I've always had lots of dreams - many of them recurring. Earlier this month, I began a Dream Interpretation class at my church. Finished 3 weeks of it so far (each class meets once a week for 1.5 hrs). Next week is the last week.

It's so very interesting the things I'm learning and I would suggest everyone take a sound Biblically based Dream Interpretation class. Some great resources are:

• John Paul Jackson
• James Goll
• Jim Driscoll
• Bob Jones
• Mike Bickle
• Doug Addison
• Barbie Breathitt
• Bill Johnson

These are just some of the ones I trust. Learning so much and it's too much to share here.

Have gotten back into documenting my dreams, which I'm doing this in a private blog. Haven't really interpretted any of the dreams yet, as I'm overwhelmed as to where to start. Though, my classes have been teaching me how to do this. There is this hesitation to do this, as I could be wrong. However, when you do dream interpretation, it's not to be done in our own strength, but through the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Yes, you can use a 'Dream Dictionary', but it's used as a guide rather than a set thing that says it MUST mean this.

God speaks to use through dreams. The enemy also interjects dreams (nightmares) also, and some are caused by medications/things we subject ourselves to/pregnancy. Those are the 3 categories of which dreams come from. Not all dreams come from God, however, I'm comforted that God knows about all our dreams, whether they are from Him or not. So, even if the enemy wants to frighten me, I do not have to let him.

In many of my dreams, there are vehicles -- often they are trucks, trains or large vehicles. But, most recently, I've had bicycles and motorcycles. Many dreams I'm able to fly. There are large buildings and warehouses in many dreams or that I will be back as I am at the present age back in the home or town that I grew up in. Often there are very specific people in my dreams, some I haven't thought of in years.

Most nights I look forward to going to sleep, wondering what the Lord will allow me to dream, how He will speak to me. It's through my dreams that I can focus on Him, as sometimes I am all over the place when I'm awake from doing things with my children to my businesses to idle stuff to church to who knows what other distractions.

I encourage you to keep a dream journal. Sometimes there are patterns to them. I look forward to sharing with you more on Dreams.

New Perspective

There are a lot of things that's caused me to change my perspective on things. One of them is the generation of wealth. The other is eating. Another is men, parenting, relationships. For me, I never really considered the generation of wealth that I would have to do sales & marketing, much less MLM type businesses, yet, I've jumped into this.

For eating, raw seemed so boring and unappealing, yet I sit here tonight contemplating it strongly as the appeal for the foods my kids and I have been consuming and seeing others consuming foods has become unappealing. There is a need for change, a restlessness, rather to get down and out into a raw state of mind, maybe raw foods.

A friend of mine, when asked, gave me a different perspective to view men, especially Christian men -- view them as my brothers, spiritual brothers. If it helps to view them as physical brothers, perhaps that will cool my own hormonal jets? It's worth seeing if it will break the bondage and hold on me with my relationships with men so that I can have intimate, deep relationships with men that do not involve anything that would displease God.

My paradigms of parenting began to change when I learned about "Parenting From The Heart". How could one do that? Yet, over the past 2+ years that I've been doing this, God has transformed my relationship with my children. It's a work in progress and there are moments of frustration, but parenting is truly a joy despite those moments.

Relationships, allowing people to get into that deeper part of me, to know me can be scary, but that is the fear of man acting, and not God. However, there ought to be a good balance and wisdom should be used.

God is working to align me with Him. Apart from Him, I can do nothing.

Good Person

Today a college friend of mine called for some spiritual support and friendship support regarding being in a divorce. My heart wept. It is never a good thing to hear about a marriage falling apart and in the destruction phase, ending. This begs the question why do bad things happen to good people?

If you asked me as a little girl around my daughter's age, I would've told you that there were all these dreams and visions God gave me. Thirty something years later, I'm following in that young girl's dreams & visions, but the journey to get there is very far from what was anticipated.

Overall, I've been a good person in the world's standards. Jealousy wasn't something that reigned in my body, though, for much of my life, I was incredibly competitive. Good sportsmanship marked me, as well as a persevering spirit. Celebrating other people's successes was and is a strong trait of mine.

So why have so many bad things happened to me? Afterall, I'm a Christian and God is on my side, right? Is God bad? No, God is good ALL the time. God cannot do anything bad. He gives people free will and sometimes that free will means that people make bad choices that do negatively impact me. Any person has their own ability to make wrong choices at any time, just as they do right choices.

The Bible says that it in Matthew 5:45, ". . . He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." This verse tells us that good and bad things happen to both good and bad people.

What I'm learning is that even in these dark times, God shows up so well. In fact, God shows up so well when things are great, but because often there is an independence on God during those good times, we don't acknowledge our need on the Lord. He wants our fellowship. He wants that intimate time with us, but we neglect Him. He wants to be totally Lord of our lives.

John 15:5 says, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." Can a grape say that he wants to be all by himself and be okay, live and thrive? No, he must remain on the vine depending on the vine to give him his food, nourishment so he can grow, thrive, live.

Isn't it ridiculous that the grapes that choose to detach from the vine and think they can make it on their own? How often do we do that in our own lives as Christians? When my children were toddlers, I can hear them saying, "No, I can do it all by myself!" Aren't we like that? What a fallacy?

When we are plugged into the Source (God) that gives us Life, we are totally connected to a powerful life. It's just that most of us fail to recognize this and live it out in faithful actions. The thing is, most people will experience sorrow, pain, regret and a host of events in their lives that will hurt greatly. For the Christian, they can choose to rely on God. For the non-Christian, I'm not sure who you would lean on that would truly comfort.

Pain, not something that I desire, but there is a gift in pain. For with pain, it not only tells us something is awry, but it's often an instigator to change, as we will be more opened to change hopefully.

Me

I've been at many crossroads over the past 5 yrs, particularly the last 3. The one thing all these crossroads have is that it keeps leading me to a place of dependence, reliance on the Lord and not on my own strength.

In fact, it's not MY faith, rather faith comes from God. As I've seen lately and looking back through my near 35 yrs as a Christian, which is most of my life, it's recognizing that ME cannot do any of it. I'm not a good parent, a good Christian, a good friend or anything without God. Even with God in my life, a Christian due to her human nature, still attempts to make it on her own, to stand on her on two feet.

When, the realization that even the mere fact of standing on one's feet physically is a miracle from God. Without comparing to others, especially in the area of tragedies, just seeing some of the stunts of my past, being able to walk, to stand, to run are all miracles from God.

John 15:5 says, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." This verse has been read countlessly by myself, as well as people from all times after the Bible was written. However, how often do we really think it's all about us, and our own self-sufficiency. How many of us wish we just didn't need others as much as we think?

The thought of relying on a God that I cannot physically touch or see sometimes seems surreal to me. Other times, though my eyes cannot behold Him, His presence is so real. I can't do ANY of my life, even what seemingly seems so simple, with YOU!

Apart from God, I cannot do anything.

I don't know how my life is going to pan out in any respect. Correct choices can be made, but God doesn't guarantee a cushy life, which mine has not been. It seems like it's one challenge after another. My Heavenly Father has His reasons. The thing is, my mind is riddled with questions, doubts, fears, anger, frustrations. He is a big God and I'm sure He can handle all these feelings that are inside of me that are crying out desperately to Him.

To blindly trust, to ask no questions but to trust, follow, obey seems unfathomable to me. I think God says it's okay to ask Him, to use my mind. In the end, though, He does want me to obey.

As I go through my own challenges with my children, perhaps God is doing similar to me but from a scale of perfection, His perfection. It's not about me, but about Him. Yet, He cares for me.

Slowing Down

I once had a different thought in life - go as fast as you can, do as much as you can. You might miss out. Maybe in going as fast as you can and doing as much as you can, you miss out. Life, for me, for the past 20+ years has gone by so fast. My schedule has been booked.

When children came into my life, my own children, life moved even faster. It wasn't until this past year, when my already devestating financial situation turned worse and worse. Life had to slow down because I wasn't able to pay for things I'd always been able to.

Instead, my children and I just grew to spend time together, to enjoy each other, to laugh, to play, to give hugs and kisses, to give thanks. As our finances grew worse, we began to add blessings to the verbal gratitudes we already had been doing for the past 3 shares that we shared with each other. We chose to verbally express who or what we wanted to bless.

Yesterday, I got to speak to a friend who is 5 months older than me. He told me a few months ago, he had a mini-stroke. Life is too short. He lived a life where he chased after material things and enjoyed them, but it wasn't worth it. Now, life has slowed down for him, and he's able to "smell the rose". The stroke was a blessing in disguise.

My financial woes are a blessing in disguise.

God is a good God. He did not create or want for my financial woes, nor my friend's stroke. He does not cause disease, sickness, or trauma. He's a good God and can only do good things. However, He is a God that can use those situations that are created either by our own choices, or by the choices of others that are not good, and turn those situations out for His glory.

Ask yourself - are those goals really worth it? Is it worth stressing everyone out for XXXX?

Stop and appreciate your life where you have. You never know when it's your time to meet your maker.

Maturing

I can tell that I am maturing emotionally, feel better about myself, as well as growing spiritually in the right direction. As I evaluate the only relationship I've been in since my divorce, there were some key elements that told me "caution" and now I'm seeing them more clearly.

• Our value and worth are rooted in Jesus. If we're depending on someone else to validate who we are, that's not a good thing, because in the end, it's a fruitless & unfulfilling thing. As I look back at my own walk with the Lord, I used to live for the words and praises of other men to tell me how to value myself. If they said I looked "beautiful" or "sexy", I'd hang onto these words. It really doesn't matter anymore what they say as I know who I am and it doesn't depend on anyone saying anything to me.


• Not having the need to look for greener pastures, but working with the good that I already have. We can have wishful thinking, but it's that. Work with what you have unless it's soomething really bad and you just need to scrap it.


• Inability to properly communicate or articulate desires, needs, boundaries. Communication is not under-rated. It is necessary in every relationship, and it must be effective, timely, and appropriate.


• Inability to have appropriate boundaries. Healthy boundaries are good safeguards to protect our relationship with the Lord.


• One of the things I noticed when my relationship with God was weak and immature was that I had the need to have multiple men validate ME. It's like with my dogs or how many people are. They want what someone else has. I felt flattered when I was taken or unavailable to other men and those other men would pursue me. This was such faulty thinking, as these other men had no respect for my unavailability. It was control, disrespect and a host of other not ungodly traits in those other men.

While I was in my courtship, most of my single male friends dropped out of sight, or kept very low communications with me. Those that continued to hit on me showed disrespect, even after I repeatedly set the boundary. I'm so glad as I think of the couple of men that did that, they are not men that truly cared about me, and it would be to my best interest to not get involved with them or really even keep them in my life.

We become what we associate with. It takes maturity to not be swayed with every whim. God is still working on me. Getting there by God's grace.

Gratitude Stats

I think it's really important daily to have an attitude of gratitude. Everyone can find things to be thankful for and you can be thankful for anything (preferably not bad things happening to others). While in this one group I was in several years ago, a person started a goal of doing 5 gratitudes per day, which I adopted. I continued in that group doing at least 5 gratitudes a day, often more for a couple years. When I left the group, I continued some of that here in FB, but because some of my gratitudes were so personal, I chose to go private for only a select few to read.

Here are some interesting stats about the 1325 days I've logged gratitudes (that's 3.63 years). I thought I hadn't missed any days, but I had missed 3 days with no gratitude list. :(

Some Stats:

Total Gratitudes in 1325 Days: 16,325

Min. Gratitudes/Day = 5
Max. Gratitudes/Day = 85

Average Daily Gratitude = 12.32

Days Most Gratitudes = Wed (2446 gratitudes), Tues (2401 gratitudes)

Days Fewest Gratitudes = Sat (2233 gratitudes), Fri (2251 gratitudes)

These are just the gratitudes I write out. My kids and I verbally share our gratitudes with each other at least in the morning and evening, if not also sometime during the middle of the day. It's really a very awesome thing.

Having a thankful heart has really helped us through some really rough periods. I'm sure we would've been far worse off had we not been reminded morning, afternoon, evening to find things to be thankful for.

I look forward to be able to log tens of thousands of gratitudes over my lifetime.

Won't you join me?

Good Parking Spots

As I sit here in a cafe in a very nice area of the valley with my laptop in the corner, hiding behind a little wall, iPod earbuds in, my mind waivers between empowering thoughts of who I am in Christ, and my most recently failed courtship of nearly a year. It's left me feeling very lonely, as I had grown accustomed to daily communications with my former beau now to practically nothing. He's shared my life with me for nearly the past year and I'm alone again.

All too often I've heard women complain about why men don't commit, even when she is what he said he wanted. Then, there are some men that are so wanting to commit, yet they either aren't in my life or not enough of the pieces of the puzzle fit, the chemistry or something isn't right.

Yes, there are multiple books on this subject ranging from how do each of the opposite sex think/act/feel to the law of attraction stuff. Frankly, I do understand some things and others I do not.

I heard this a few years ago in a sermon by Joel O'Steen. He talked about praying for the good parking spots. So, I began praying for these good parking spots and began getting them. God is a good God and He's always good. God doesn't cause bad things to happen. Satan is bad all the time. There is no good in Satan.

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all things work together for good to them who love the Lord and are the called according to His purpose." So, even when something bad does happen, God can turn what was meant for evil around for good. It's a bit hard to rationalize when something bad happens how God can turn that around and that He did not cause it.

He is God and He knows what decisions everyone will make. We are also not puppets, rather God gives EVERYONE free will, the freedom to choose whatever they want. That doesn't mean there aren't any consequences, as there are to all decisions we make.

Okay, back to the parking spots. I notice that most of the time I get awesome parking spaces. The whole parking lot may be full and just as I pull into the area, a spot opens up right in front. It's so funny that my kids and I automatically expect God to bless us with a good space. Lately, since it's so hot here in the Valley of the Sun, I opt for sometimes walking further to get a shady parking spot, and so we often get a shady spot.

God is so good.

In terms of men, though I do not want to go from relationship-to-relationship, I ought to adopt the same thought process as I do parking spaces ---> good relationships come into my life, especially really good men, and one of them will be my future husband. What do you think? :)

Pain

The song by Josh Wilson, "Before The Morning" says, the pain that you're feeling is the dark before the morning. Considering all the pain I've gone through the past decade of a failed marriage, the loss of my family unit, going from being a near millionaire to having no money and deeply in debt, health issues, safety issues, run in's with the law from various forms, violence against me, other failed relationships, friendship betrayals, loss of dreams . . . I can honestly say that God is so very good.

Not that any of these situations are desirable as they are NOT! But, through each of these situations, I've gained new insights, greater empathy & compassion as I walk through the hell of all this mess. God has moved mightily and though the pain was/is unbearable during the darkest moments of each, He was able to lift me up, hold my hand, and often carry me through the situation when all I wanted to do was die.

All that pain is fading to memories. It doesn't stay unless you choose to allow it to. There is a great joy that eminates from deep within that isn't dependent upon circumstances, rather it rests on who God says He is. Who is He? He's God and He's a good God!

Favor

When I started this blog, I honestly thought I would be writing significantly more to it as I felt excited about the things God was doing, at least the positive part of me. In February, I had come back from a financial seminar that I thought was really awesome where I gained some valuable insights on better managing my money. One of the things promised was that each family could find $2,000 where they could save a year.

Surely in my situation where the financial condition is not good and that looked bleak, it was exciting to know that even with the small amount of money that we had that God helped me to be resourceful and figure out how to get $2K extra per year without bringing in more money. So very exciting.

Then, a week later, our source of income was taken completely away where we went down to basically $0. How do you live on $0 a month coming in when your financial resources are depleted? This truly was a test of trusting God in all this.

There's a huge story here of going from pretty well-off middle class to bringing in $0, being flat broke, and relying on God to really resource all this. It wasn't that I didn't plan or save for many years, but due to many different circumstances, this was where I was at the beginning of March.

What do I do, Lord?

Psalm is one of my favorite books of the Bible, but if you really read it, David isn't happily praising God because everything is hunky dory in his life, rather things are pretty crappy. There are times he's being hunted down like an animal to be killed, yet he's praising God. Was David a lunatic or just God gave him a much extra dose of ability to endure pain and just be happy? I don't think so on either accounts.

Rather, David does get depressed, is angry, frustrated, in despair. He cries out to God and there are times he felt alone, forsaken. However, he realizes those are the lies of the enemy and with the relationship God and David have during these really tough times, an intimacy is created - a great deepening.

One of the things that I contend with is GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME. How can a God that is good allow so much evil? Surely God could wipe everyone out and just start over, right? Yes. But, the thing of free will, choice that God gives each person. Someone could choose wisely or not. It's their choice. SOMEHOW God works things out. The other thing I have to remember is that SATAN IS BAD ALL THE TIME. There is nothing bad about God and nothing good about Satan.

Although that might seem like easy statements to say, when the bad things do happen, is it from God? God could choose to treat us like puppets, but He does not. He lets us go about making our own decisions, of our own free will. God is also God. He also knows what you will do and He can help orchestrate things to help us make a better choice, or it could be a test to help strengthen a weak area in our lives.

God is the ultimate multi-tasker. He's also the master artist. He sees the picture in His mind and puts the pieces together to create the masterpiece in each of our lives.

I've put everything at stake to make the ultimate dream of raising my kids myself come true, which I've been doing for the past 3.5 yrs. Inspite of a nasty divorce & custody battle, and a string of devestating blows financially (will spare the details for now) and otherwise, I feel sort of like Rocky as he gets back up one more time, staggering, bloodied, tired.

My God has been so good to us. Surely it might seem silly to most that being able to have a full tank of gas is delightful or that being able to eat a delicious organic homecook meal, I savor the bites, or that I can go to the Dollar Store and buy anything for a $1 because I have $5 to get 5 different things. I feel like a queen. Yet, these very things just a few years before I would not have been grateful and felt that I deserved to just walk into a store and just buy what I want (within reason).

I've begun just looking at the things in my daily life where there is possibly an attitude of entitlement, indifference, or just taking for granted. Do you see areas where you have God's favor? Can you breathe easily? You can walk across the room by yourself? Can you blink? These are things many of us take for granted, but they are not a given for some people.

Thank you God that I can wiggle my toes & fingers, that I can smile and say, "Thank you." I'm so glad I have Your favor!

Updates

I will do my best to update on what has been going on with me spiritually. I wanted to keep this blog more upbeat and positive, but one of the things of spiritual growth is as God works much deeper in our lives, we are pulled out of comfort zones, going to something we perceive as unsafe.

Been going through so much spiritually since I last posted a blog entry here. God has been going deeply and it has been gut-wrenching. There has been fear, anger, resentment, and a lot of questions I have for God.

There have been multiple times in the past 3 months where I've begun writing an entry but have gotten distracted over and over again to never post. Thank you for your patience. Hopefully in the weeks to come, I can share some of how God is working, and though the intent was to be positive, that is not reality for me.

Currently, I'm going through some tumultuous spiritual times and it's a huge battle. Not fun stuff.

A Life Of Great Promise

I received this as an email forward and thought it was worth putting here to remind myself of how God sometimes works.

Psalm 105:17-19 *

[God] sent a man before them, Joseph, who was sold as a slave. Theyafflicted his feet with fetters; he himself was laid in irons, until thetime that his word came to pass, the word of the LORD tested him.* NAS

The life of Joseph began with great promise. Earlier in his youth, the Lordgave him a dream that showed him that he would be elevated to a position ofgreat authority. He would rule over his brothers. Even his father and motherwould come bowing down before him. What happened next? The very opposite ofwhat God had promised. His brothers betrayed him, sold him as a slave into Egypt, and, because he was faithful to his Egyptian master, he eventually ended up in prison. He was in fetters, his soul was in iron.

How did Joseph respond to that situation? Did he say to himself,“Everything’s gone wrong! The Lord’s promise will never come true”? No, Idon’t believe that. It says, “Until the time that the promise came, the wordof the Lord tested him.” How important it is to see that when the Lord givesus a promise, many times everything that happens next will seem to be thevery opposite of what God has promised. It’s so important that at times like that we don’t give up on the promise, we don’t say, “God has forgotten; God has failed.”

You see, that promise that God gave us is testing us. It’s testing our faithand our constancy to see if we’ll hold on in the darkest hour. And when we pass the test, then, like Joseph, the promise will be fulfilled. - DerekPrince

Noticing

I'm noticing as I go through my days and listening, I'm now more aware that many messages (secular and Christian) tell me that faulty belief systems hinder us from living in freedom. I've heard this message over and over, and it never really sank in until recently.

What is a lie? It's the opposite of the truth.

What is the truth? One could say that we each have our own truths. Perhaps that may be so. What if one's person's truth is that all women are worthless? Is that true? Afterall, it's what that person's truth is.

The truth that I base is true truth is God's Truth, which is found in the Bible. I've never found it to be untrue. When I have gone contrary to what the Bible says, in the end, it's never turned out well, and there is not peace.

So, with everything that tells me something about my identity, I must weigh whether it is truth or not, and that would be according to God's Truth. If I don't know what the Bible says or cannot interpret it, then how will I know? I am thankful for many people who love the Word of God so as to help me. I've been learning a lot about my identify in Christ and realize there are many things I believed about myself that were untrue.

That's left me stuck, living a downward spiral in so many things. However, right now, my belief system is being turned upside down -- the past 3 yrs -- because the domino of lies are coming down. Praise be to God.

They can only come down if you're willing to go to the pain, address the lies where God takes the scales off one's eyes. You have to be willing to do this, otherwise you will continue to live in those lies.

I wonder how many people read similar things over and over and the scales are not off their eyes and they just don't understand. It's happened to me and very humbling to realize this. In desperation, I cried out to God to get these lies off my life.

Spring cleaning the lies out of my life -- not a pretty sight, but, in the end, it will be so beautiful.

God Is Always Trustworthy

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

God's ways are not our ways.

In John 8:32, "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

These verses are totally striking at my heart in a very deep way. I wasn't even sure that it was in the Bible where it says "the truth will set you free", so I decided to look it up this morning and found it. Yay God!!! It's not a cliche.

God can't lie period. He just can't. If I believe that what He has in the Bible is true, then what is written there is true. God is not mocked. Whatever we sow, we reap. What are things we sow? All sorts of fears? Laziness? Sexual Immorality? White lies? Angry words? Frustrations? The list goes on infinitely.

What does it mean that "the truth will set you free"? As I've already begun addressing lies in previous entries and in other blogs I write in, lies are the opposite of God's Truth. When we are in bondage to those lies, slaves to them, we are not free to live God's Truth in our lives.

When we have God's Truth attack those lies and destroy them in our lives, only then can we be set free from sin's grip. There are so many things of the Bible that I've read over and over again, yet, I was blind to what it actually meant. What that means is I didn't understand how to translate that into actions.

What does it mean to be set free in God's Truth, to not be in bondage to sin?

What do you need to do?

1. Be aware of your responses to things & the emotions that come up whenever.

Example: I was talking to a friend about a family at my church and became incredibly emotional, crying, while talking about this family. This family didn't do anything to me. In fact, I have a great relationship with the whole family. As I relayed an incident about someone commenting on this couple's 2 oldest kids, just that incident had me angry & very upset that even now as I think about it, I'm feeling somewhat upset.

2. With #1, keep a small notebook or journal of these things and what are things that triggered that emotion or response. Doesn't have to make sense at all, just write it down.

3. Take one of those items from #2, pray and ask God why those emotions came up. What is the lie? When did it originate? Memories may come back up to a specific place & time. The memory is actually what you perceived at the time of the memory, and not even be something that actually was correct. Your perception may have been skewed at the time, but it did form your belief system.

4. Ask God to show you what lies you believed about that memory.

5. Take responsibility that you received those lies into your life at that point from back in the memory.

6. Ask God to bring His Truth into that memory. Listen. He may give more images, words, sounds, smells, sensing, etc.

7. Ask God to bring His Healing into that situation.

8. Thank God.

See, when we replace faulty belief systems -- the lies -- with God's Truth, it DOES bring freedom.

One of the areas that many people are challenged with are performance issues. If I do these things or do not do these things, God will love me more. The fact is, God loves you as much as He can love you. No one could love you more than God loves you. His love for you is NOT based upon anything you do, think or feel. God's love for us is infinite.

Imagine if you were no longer concerned abour performing for God what freedom that would bring. You wouldn't have the fear that plagues you, because you would know that you could never disappoint God. He completely & fully accepts you -- yes, even your sinful nature, which if you're a Christian, the blood of Jesus Christ covers your sins. If you're not a Christian, than that is a different story.

What would you do if fear didn't hold you back from things? Freedom, don't you think?

Awareness of Our Emotions

I'm learning to be more aware of my thoughts & emotions, especially the negative ones. Rather than tell myself I can't grieve or feel bad about myself, to allow myself to go through the pain, paying attention to whatever God is telling me.

Often we think pain is bad. What I'm realizing is it's God letting me know there are things in my life that need dealing with. In many instances, they are lies I've believed and lived, although, not usually realizing what these are.

Our lives manifest our belief system, which is not based upon logic, rather our emotional experiences of how we perceived something. Our perceptions can be right on the money or they can have perceived a situation incorrectly. It doesn't matter, as it's our perceptions and the emotions tied to them that form our belief systems.

God has been bringing all sorts of things up with me. It's a good thing. Painful, but good. I'm learning to just let go and allow God to work.

Theophostic Procedure (Basics)

This is something I got in a session I had with a friend. My friend got training in theophostic prayer and gave me this.

1. Pray -- Ask the Lord to give the person the grace & courage to feel what he needs to feel and look at what he needs to see.

2. Have him share his presenting story & focus on the emotions.

3. Ask him to allow his mind to connect him to any memory relateed to the emotion. (Do not rush them -- silence here is good). Question: Are you willing to lay aside the present situation and see if there are any earlier places where you felt this same emotion?

4. Once in the memory, have them identify what they are feeling.

5. Ask him to identify why he feels (this will be the belief) what he feels in the memory of what you're believing.

6. Work through any "conclusions" (I could never please her) to find the lie (I am worthless). Lies are almost always statements about identity.

7. Restate the lie out loud. Ask "how true does this lie feel to you from 1 to 10?"

8. Ask them if they would like to hear from the Lord regarding the lie.

9. Summarize what they hear from the Lord.

10. Revisit the memory & see if there is still negative emotion in the memory.

11. If no, thank God for HIs Truth & healing.

12. If yes, there is most likely another lie which needs to be visited and worked through. Or it could be a truth-based emotion like disappointment, sadness, regret.

13. If a truth-based emotion, ask if there's any resistance to allowing the Lord to carry it.

14. End the session by acknowledging the presence and work of Christ.

Individual Snuggles

Tonight I decided to give each child about a half an hour of individual time.

My son finished his dinner early and came to me, where I was on the computer. He just wanted to sit on my lap, so I let him as we looked at old pictures of when he was an infant and just getting out of the toddler stage. He snuggled on my lap as we talked, laughed, and tickled each other.

It was good to not do anything on the computer except just spend time with my little man. After we looked at a bunch of pictures of various events of our lives, we sat on the bed and began reading in John 14. It's so great that my children love the Word of God. He snuggled in my lap as I read John 14, as he drifted sleepily to sleep.

Then, his sister came in. I asked her if she wanted me to continue reading in John and she said yes after she brushed her teeth. By now, her brother was nearly asleep. I began reading in John 15, where it talks about Jesus being the vine and we are the branches.

Throughout this chapter, I talked about what this chapter meant, having short discussions with my daughter. It was so nice. She was getting sleepy, too, so I ended on the 15th chapter of John, prayed over the kids and asked the kids what they were thankful for.

Something my kids and I do every day is do a "Thank you God . . . " list in the morning and evening, at least. I strongly believe in having a grateful heart. It takes the focus on things we want to complain about and onto God, sharing with Him what we are grateful for. His mercies are new every day.

By now, my son was asleep and I asked my daughter to come and lie down and put her head in my lap as I stroked her hair, singing to her. I sang her a bunch of Baptist hymns that I remembered. Funny, my church doesn't sing those hymns and I haven't been in a church in years that sings those hymns, but I remember their words as if they were plastered in front of me. Yet, I cannot remember the words of the songs we sing frequently over the past decade. Weird, eh?

Anyway, I just held my daughter and sang to her for about a half hour. She laughed as I sang "Victory in Jesus" and she thought the verse said "punched me into victory" instead of "plunged me into victory". I almost started to laugh to, but somehow refrained.

My daughter, when she was an infant and toddler, would love me to sing to her for hours. Yes, hours. It was very soothing to her. I miss those days and maybe I'll integrate some of them back -- not the hours, but maybe a half an hour here and there. I want to capture as many beautiful moments with my kids as I can.

Tonight was just a very sweet time with my kids. Thank you dear Papa!

Listening

There is a lot to write here, but I only have a few moments.

If we listen real closely, watch, we can often see that God IS answering our prayers. It may not be in how we want, but they are answers - Yes, No, Wait, or, I have something better in store. As I look at my business, my finances, my children, my beau, my family, friends, and the list goes on, I can see how there are times I'm glad God said, "NO" or "wait".

What I'm learning is God doesn't punish His children, rather he corrects and disciplines those whom He loves. I hate being forced into something, rather, I've been asking the Lord to be gentle with me. The past 3 years, it's been so harsh -- not because God is harsh, but the things that happened were harsh.

I've experienced God's great mercies and tenderness during those harsh times.

There are things in my life, maybe because my will or resolve is weak or just because I'm so fleshly and sinful, that are challenges for me. Yet, God so loves me and speaks so gently to me. I was reading in the Bible, in the Gospels yesterday and on a particular chapter. I was also finishing up on a book that made reference to that chapter. And, somewhere else I was reading or something referenced all those things, summing things up.

My son also chose to read in 2 Psalm that speak of the things God has been impressing upon my heart.

On top of that, He spoke through my beau on a portion of it where he heard it from the church he decided to try yesterday. Who says God doesn't work? He does. He totally speaks if we are willing to listen to Him.

All these coincidences? I think not.

Listen, watch. Be still. Be open to however God wants to communicate.