When You Rise Up: Chapter 3 - Who's In Control?

Boyce Arboretum, Superior, AZ (2013)

1.  Share one positive quality that you respect about your husband.  This can be anything.  But it needs to be positive and honoring.

My husband is consistent with correction and discipline while I am forgetful and inconsistent.  Though, with his help and God's, I am becoming more consistent.

2.  How does God's view of women, as discussed in this chapter, encourage you as you consider His command for wives to respect and follow your husband's leadership?  How should this change the way you understand your role and responsibility to support your husband?

God views women equal to men in terms of value.  No more, no less.  This means no matter what, we are to obey God and God gives husbands the leadership role.  My role is just as important in being my husband's helpmate.  No marriage can have two ultimate leaders.  Especially when I disagree, I need to relinquish the control to my husband.  God will honor this even if my husband is wrong.

3.  While we may disagree with our husbands on different issues, what do these verses say to us about the way we are to treat him whether we agree or not?  Discuss your answers.

• Romans 12:9-10  - Better to be an ordinary person with a servant than to be self-important but have no food.  The godly care for their animals, but the wicked are always cruel.
• It's better to humble ourselves than to be prideful.  We are to humble ourselves to our husbands, especially when we think we're right and disagree.  It's better to obey God than do what we want. (NLT)

• Galatians 5:25-26 - If we live by the Spirit, let us also [a]walk by the Spirit. Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another. (NASB)
• We are to remain humble, obeying God.  Allow the Holy Spirit to direct us, not our fleshly desires.

• Ephesians 4:31-32 - 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor [perpetual animosity, resentment, strife, fault-finding] and slander be put away from you, along with every kind of malice [all spitefulness, verbal abuse, malevolence]. 32 Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave [a]you. (AMP)
• We are to forgive, not allow ourselves to get bitter, angry.  Submit our emotions to the Lord.  We're to be kind and helpful.  This is extremely challenging but I found when I submit my emotions to the Lord, repent, bind the enemy and kick him out, the Lord reigns in my attitude.

4.  How can we encourage our husbands to follow his God-given leadership, but not act as his Holy Spirit or his mother, but as his helper and friend?

We can not nag, have a nice tone of voice, a pleasant, genuine attitude, be kind and caring.  We are to be interested and respectful when he has to make the final decisions.  We can ask if he wants to hear inputs and not try to control the situation, but allow his word to be final without holding grudges, trusting that God will work everything out in the end.

5.  Look up each verse and consider what insights they offer to encouraging your husband in his leadership role.

• Proverbs 15:28 - Prayerful answers come from God-loyal people; the wicked are sewers of abuse. (MSG)
• Continually pray for my husband, but don't allow myself to say mean, discouraging, hateful, disrespectful things to him.

• Proverbs 16:21-24 - Anyone with a wise heart is called discerning, and pleasant speech increases learning.²² Insight is a fountain of life for its possessor, but the discipline of fools is folly.  ²³ A wise heart instructs its mouth and increases learning with its speech. ²⁴ Pleasant words are a honeycomb:  sweet to the taste^[c] and health to the body. (HCSB)
•  Be disciplined with what I say and say things gently, considering my husband and where he is.  Don't be harsh, but use a good tone of voice that shows him respect.  Use respectful speech.  Sometimes say nothing if it needs be.  Love my husband in the way he needs to be loved and then possibly God will help change his heart to listen to me.

• Romans 12:16-18 - 16 - Live in harmony with one another.Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[a] Do not be conceited. 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil.Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. (NIV)
• Don't need to have my way, but really trust God despite whatever decisions my husband makes.  Don't be prideful, but be willing to forgive as well as ask for forgiveness.  Have a change of heart and truly trust God that no matter what decisions my husband makes, God's will for our lives will be done.  Don't be prideful and even if my husband is vengeful towards me, show him love and kindness instead.  Live peaceably and learn to communicate in a manner that touches my husband's mind,  heart, and soul and that's by treating my husband the way God wants me to treat him - well, respectful.

• 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 - 16 - Always be joyful.17 Never stop praying. 18 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. (NLT)
• Even when situations don't seem joyful, joy does not come from our circumstances, rather on God.  Continue always to pray in good and bad times, because the devil wants us to be lazy.  And even when things are bad, be thankful for what God is doing because in due time, He will make things right.  God is always in control and He has His purpose for allowing or doing things.

6.  Share one thought or verse that impacted you most from this lesson.

Proverbs 16:24 - I am sometimes too direct and need to keep a reign on my mouth until the words I use are sweet to the taste, but truthful and loving, kind.  This is a huge challenge, but God is making progress in me.

When You Rise Up - Chapter 2 - What Does He Know?

On Our Wedding Day - Simple Bands, But A Deep Love That Crossed Oceans & Continents

1.  Share one or two differences between you and your husband that first attracted you to him before you were married.  Has this changed?  If so, why do you think it has?

Two things that attracted me to my husband originally were his ability to really take the time to listen and his good manners.  Many Latin American men I knew were arrogant and egotistical and I was not attracted to such men.  He still is a great listener and takes the time to listen, whereas I am a hurried listener.  And, unless he's really upset, he is a gentle person.  So in both these, he has changed for the better.  And I have learned to become a better listener.  Though, I still have a long ways to go.  He's helped me to be a better listener by providing helpful feedback and with EMDR therapy, EFT, soaking warfare prayer, I am changing.  My personality is fairly aggressive and assertive, but I'm seeing that isn't always the best and seeing that there are times to be gentler, kinder.  Now my husband's style of listening and responding to things, especially when things upset him, are much better.  He's learned to acknowledge when he's wrong, apologize and to make changes to not do again.  But, we've both changed a lot for the better.

2.  Name one parenting difference that you have with your husband that may be a difficulty for you.  Why do you think it is difficult?  (Be sure to be respectful toward your husband if you are sharing this in a group.)

My husband is very consistent in parenting and he doesn't forget usually.  I used to be the complete opposite - really nice and wonderful, soft and then really harsh when I was frustrated, like a roller coaster.  What I was doing was not good.  My husband's consistency has been super helpful and has helped given the kids greater stability, even if they don't always like the correction and discipline.  There is greater respect, honor and order in our home, as well as peace and I believe happiness.

Being consistent in parenting is challenging for me because I grew up in a very strict, harsh home and I didn't want my kids to feel like I felt - useless, good for nothing.  I know now that my parents didn't mean it like that but that wasn't so when I was a kid and I ended up making a lot of bad choices because of it.  I want my kids to be sparred that, but I also don't want them to feel entitled and not work for or earn things that they should be.

3.  How does Philippians 2:3-4 - 3 In whatever you do, don’t let selfishness or pride be your guide. Be humble, and honor others more than yourselves. 4 Don’t be interested only in your own life, but care about the lives of others too. (ERV) encourage you to see your husband's unique perspective?

There are usually multiple ways to skin a cat.  Our perspective is based off our experiences, knowledge, emotions, values, beliefs.  No two people are exactly alike.  I've learned that my husband has great insights that shock the pants off me often.  I didn't think he thought that deeply about some things and he does.  Whereas, sometimes I think in some things he thinks deeply and he doesn't.  He has a high emotional intelligence and I've come often to value this great quality in him.

4.  Is there any area in your marriage that you need to give your husband more respect?  Is there something in which you know he needs your verbal support?  how will you show him respect his week?

I think when I'm stressed out, tired, and/or not feeling well, sometimes I take things wrong and can be quite sarcastic in a mean way.  This is not good and right now while I'm under the weather, I need to be extra careful that I'm not offensive and more understanding as he is understanding towards me.

He loves his bonsai tree hobby and though at the beginning I fought him on it, the Holy Spirit convicted me that I am to let me husband lead, be loving, kind, supportive, but also offer good wisdom (when asked) and God will take care of things, even if my husband makes mistakes, which he will.  Learning to let this go and show him support, be interested in his bonsai stuff through taking photos, helping him with his plants with watering, misting and all the many things I do are things I show support to him.  Also, having a great attitude and truly being interested and concerned when he is.

5.  Reflect back on the following verses from this chapter and write out how you can apply them to your marriage today.

• Proverbs 12:18 - 18 Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal. (GNT)
• While I'm ill, I can THINK before speaking.  Is this value added?  Is this going to help?  Sometimes silence is better than saying poor words.  I know I'm getting better in this because of all the loving things my husband is giving back to me in affection.

• Proverbs 16:21 - A wise person gets known for insight; gracious words add to one’s reputation. (MSG)
• I am learning that I do not have to fix or solve all problems.  Sometimes my husband just wants to tell me things and he doesn't want anything from me except listening to him.  For this, my husband is most appreciative and it makes him feel loved, feeling listened to and respected because he doesn't need me to solve everything for him.  I'm his wife, his life partner, not his mom.

• James 1:19-20 - 19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. (NLT)
• Sometimes just by listening and not reacting emotionally, it's a great thing.  Actually, usually.  Sometimes we get angry as we don't fully understand the situation and even if we do, doing things in a calm, rational manner is usually far better than being over reactive.  God can do great things when we control anger.  Another way to help control anger is to continually forgive those who offend us so that no bitterness takes root in our hearts, thus we are not angry people.

• Ephesians 5:33b - and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear].
• My husband has really taken notice of how much more loving I am towards him by not over reacting and being all emotional about everything and about wanting control over everything.  This has caused him to be a much nicer, gentler, caring husband as well as more affectionate in the way I want.  It's taking awhile, but if we honor God in His Word, even if it looks impossible, He will make a way.  I treasure my husband by respecting him through my words and actions.

The Intentional Woman: Jezebel: Who's In Control - Chapter 15

Valley of Fire, Nevada

1.  Write down any thoughts or insights that you gained from reading the text and the lesson this week.  What was notable to you from the reading?

Our society and culture very much advocates the Jezebel way of doing things - women being control freaks, dominating over men, doing it our way, we don't have to submit to anyone.  And anyone who gets in our way, we are quick to destroy.  We worship all sorts of idols and sacrifice so much in order to please ourselves.  I didn't realize how much women as a society and culture resemble Jezebel until I read this chapter.  This is very bad.

I was on the road to being like Jezebel and certainly was in my first 2 marriages.  But, in this 3rd marriage, learning to submit to the authority of headship of being leader in our household to my husband as it says to do in the Bible, it has been very challenging, but also rewarding.  It is my nature to want to control and only by God's strength and daily leaning on Him that I can submit to my husband's authority, whether I agree or disagree.  How miraculous and wonderful that is to do it God's way.  Certainly not the easy way, but it's a way that brings blessings and ultimately peace.

2.  Read 1 Kings 16:31.  Then read Deuteronomy 7:1-15.

• 1 Kings 16:31 - It came about, as though it had been a trivial thing for him to walk in the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, that he married Jezebel the daughter of Ethbaal king of the Sidonians, and went to serve Baal and worshiped him.  (NASB)
• Deuteronomy 7:1-15 - 7 “When the Lord your God brings you into the land which you are entering to possess, and has cleared away many nations before you, the Hittite and the Girgashite and the Amorite and the Canaanite and the Perizzite and the Hivite and the Jebusite, seven nations greater and mightier than you,² and when the Lord your God gives them over to you and you defeat them, then you shall utterly destroy them. You shall not make a covenant (treaty) with them nor show mercy and compassion to them. ³ You shall not intermarry with them; you shall not give your daughter to his son, nor shall you take his daughter for your son; ⁴ for they will turn your sons away from following Me to serve other gods; then the anger of the Lord will be kindled and burn against you and He will quickly destroy you. ⁵ But this is how you shall deal with them: you shall tear down their altars and smash to pieces their sacred pillars, and cut down their Asherim (symbols of the goddess Asherah), and burn their carved or sculpted images in the fire. ⁶ For you are a holy people [set apart] to the Lord your God; the Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be a people for His own possession [that is, His very special treasure].⁷ “The Lord did not love you and choose you because you were greater in number than any of the other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. ⁸ But because the Lord loves you and is keeping the oath which He swore to your fathers, the Lord has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed (bought) you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.⁹ Therefore know [without any doubt] and understand that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God, who is keeping His covenant and His [steadfast] loving kindness to a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments;¹⁰ but repays those who hate Him to their faces, by destroying them; He will not hesitate with him who hates Him, He will repay him to his face.¹¹ Therefore, you shall keep (follow, obey) the commandment and the statutes and judgments (precepts) which I am commanding you today.  Promises of God ¹² “Then it shall come about, because you listen to these judgments and keep and do them, that the Lord your God will keep with you the covenant and the [steadfast] loving kindness which He swore to your fathers. ¹³ He will love you and bless you and multiply you; He will also bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your land, your grain and your new wine and your [olive] oil, the offspring of your cattle and the young of your flock, in the land which He swore to your fathers to give you.¹⁴ You shall be blessed above all peoples; there will be no male or female barren (childless, infertile) among you or among your cattle.¹⁵ The Lord will take away from you all sickness; and He will not subject you to any of the harmful diseases of Egypt which you have known, but He will impose them on all [those] who hate you. (AMP)

a.  Why was it important for the people of God to obey His instructions for them?

God really wants to bless His people, to keep them from harm, disease, protect them.  If they are disobedient, He'll withdraw His hand of blessing and must discipline.  God would rather not need to discipline His people.

b.  How does God feel about our disobedience to His Word?  Also consider Isaiah 30:1.

• Isaiah 30:1 - Woe to the rebellious children!  This is the Lord’s declaration.  They carry out a plan, but not Mine; they make an alliance, but against My will, piling sin on top of sin. (HCSB)

Definitely God HAS to correct/discipline.  He is a Holy God and cannot go against His Word.  He must bring judgment against sin.

3.  While God held Ahab responsible for his own decisions just as He did Adam in the Garden of Eden, it is important to see the contribution of a wife's influence on her husband, just as we saw how Eve and Sarah had great influence on their husbands.  Certainly we can conclude that Jezebel also had great influence on her husband as well.  How can we be positive influences on our husbands?  Prayerfully, think about ways that you can influence your husband for good and not for evil?

We can be positive influences on our husbands by staying close to God through obeying God.  How can we do this?  We must hide God's Word in our hearts - meaning study Scripture, memorize Scripture and also, we must take actions to apply the Bible to our lives as we understand it.  Also, we must pray and ask God to open our own eyes to our own sin and allow God & the Holy Spirit to work in our lives.

We must be continually open to God's correction and discipline, but also do things in love like in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  ⁸ Love never fails.) (NIV). It is challenging to love in every day situations, especially when we are emotionally charged in not a good way.  But if we take God's Word as true, and it is because I've tried to prove it wrong many times and failed.  Loving God's way is not easy.  Submitting to our husbands is not easy because it's contrary to our society & culture, as well as to our sinful natures.

Though as a Christian, the Spirit Man in me is perfect, but my soul, my human being is not perfect.  So we must love as Christ tells us to love our husbands and to depend on Jesus to help us do this because in our own strength, we cannot do this.  Or, at least I cannot.  We're to encourage our husbands and willingly submit to our husbands as heads of our households.  We are to trust the Lord through our husbands that even if they make a mistake, God will still honor our submission.

In Romans 8:28 - ²⁸ And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose. (AMP) that is says that God will still work things out for His glory.  So, yes, things may seem messed up at this moment, but we're to give God the control through our husbands.  We are to have a quiet and gentle spirit and that can win our husbands towards the Lord or to draw closer to God.  The Bible tells us that we are helpmates to our husbands.

I know that my husband is greatly influenced and encouraged by me when I don't having a whining, complaining spirit that is argumentative, but when there is conflict, we can rationally and reasonably talk in good tones of voices, being respectful of each other.  I know it also encourages my husband when I am helpful and letting him have his own way.  If I should disagree with him, to do this in a gentle, nice way instead of controlling and confrontational.

Tone of voice, body language, attitude make a huge difference.  No use of sarcasm, but a humble, willing spirit.  Put it this way, it takes all of me to lean on God because sometimes I just don't feel like this.  Also, there are periods of time when my husband needs space to cool down, so I need to give him this space without doing it with a bad attitude.  I have a lot of work to go, but I am making headway.

4.  Luke 6:43-45 (“You don’t get wormy apples off a healthy tree, nor good apples off a diseased tree. The health of the apple tells the health of the tree. You must begin with your own life-giving lives. It’s who you are, not what you say and do, that counts. Your true being brims over into true words and deeds.) (MSG) explains so much about "roots and fruits!"  It tells us this:  What is truly in the heart (root) will eventually come out of us (fruit).  The words that spill out of our mouths and the deeds we do are basically just the fruit of the root.  Behavior is the natural result of what is in our hearts.  Our behavior can only lastingly be changed if our hearts are changed first.  Jezebel had bad attitudes and actions because her heart was messed up.  She was just living out of her true self through her words and ways.

Consider what these verses say to us in regard to our heart motives, especially as a woman.  Read the verses and record your thoughts as you consider the "roots of your fruit."  What can we learn about our own hearts?

• Luke 6:43-45 - ⁴³ “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit.⁴⁴ Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers.⁴⁵ A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. (NIV)
• I need to work on rooting out bad attitudes because when I'm tired and upset with my husband or kids, some vile things come out and that shouldn't be.  If it were not in me, then it wouldn't come out, right?  Lots of work needed here.
• Psalm 19:14 - May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. (NLT)
• This is my continual prayer and a verse I constantly meditate on.  If I look back at the years, I see a change, but sometimes day to day, I do not.  I want God to infiltrate every part of me and that especially when I'm weak, tired, upset, worn out, that the only things that come out of me are the sweet and good things of God and not the vile things I've kept inside of me.  For those things, I need to repent and get healing from so they are no longer a part of my life.  Working on this.
• Jeremiah 17:9 - “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick;
  Who can understand it? (NASB) 
• God continues to use the Holy Spirit to allow me to be in situations that reveal the nature of my heart.  These are opportunities for me to repent and get healing for all those sins so they do not further hinder me.  It's amazing how much wickedness is inside of me.  But, God does want me on a "short leash" so that that I am not allowing anything between Him and me, so that He can powerfully work in my life.  Not easy, but definitely worth it.

5.  What encouragement does God's Word give us in regard to the sinfulness of our hearts?

• Psalm 32:5 - Then I let it all out; I said, “I’ll make a clean breast of my failures to God.”  Suddenly the pressure was gone—my guilt dissolved, my sin disappeared. (MSG)
• The Bible says we don't have to hide and pretend we don't sin, even the best of us that others may think are really good, we are not.  God wants us to acknowledge ALL our sins, no matter how bad.  There is nothing so bad that Jesus didn't die on the Cross for and God is always willing to forgive us.  But we have to acknowledge that it is sin and ask God for forgiveness.  And this is really important, but then to get healing for all the stuff that that sin has caused and going back through all our ancestors.  This is how we make sin right because Jesus died for those sins and He makes it right for us.  The devil wants us to feel ashamed and embarrassed, that we cannot reveal our sins to God, that they cannot be forgiven, but that's a lie.  You also don't need to go to a Priest to confess, because JESUS is the bridge to God and we need only go to Him.  However, it would also do us good in many situations (not all) to also ask forgiveness of those whom we've offended, when it's wise and God tells us to do this.  
• Psalm 51:17 - The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. (KJV)
• Sin separates us from God and God wants us to truly understand that.  Sin is not to be taken lightly and no matter what degree of sin from a white lie to murder, it's all sin to God.  Sin is sin to Him, even if we humans place sin in varying degrees of badness.  Satan will never go to God for forgiveness, even though he knows it's sin.  That's the big difference.  We can use Jesus to bridge that gap between us and God caused by sin.  We can choose to take that gift freely or not at all.  Our choice.  Not God's choice.  He set the boundary and gives us free will to choose not only Salvation through Jesus, but also that once we have Salvation from eternal damnation, that we can continually live in right standing with Him.
• 1 John 1:8-9 - ⁸ If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (NIV)
• I love that the nature of God is love and He loves infinitely.  We don't have to pay penance or anything or need a priest to absolve of us sin, only Jesus.  How wonderful that is.

KEEPING IT PERSONAL JOURNAL

Write any thoughts or convictions that you have in regard to this lesson.  What personal lessons concerning Jezebel will you apply in your own life?  How will you be more intentional as a woman of God?

I'm encouraged that though I have sinned so much and that I've made many bad choices, that if I'm willing to acknowledge my sins, God is able to and willing to forgive me.  It doesn't mean I don't face the negative consequences of my choices, but somehow doing this brings about a peace I would not otherwise have.  I do not need to control everything.  God is in control, even when things seem to be falling apart at times.

I can submit to my husband and do, but it must be out of love.  Ahab did eventually recognize his sin and acknowledge it before God, but he did reap the negative consequences, too.  I think I will meet Ahab in Heaven one day, but not Jezebel because she was always about herself.  She was her own god.  Too bad Ahab didn't take the stands he should against Jezebel before it was too late.

I can influence my husband positively for Christ.  But, I must let God and the Holy Spirit do the work in my husband's heart to change him to be more like Jesus.  I am not to play the Holy Spirit.  Just as God is patient with me, I must be patient too with my husband and kids.

The Intentional Woman: To Intentionally Follow - Chapter 14

Oak Creek near Cathedral Rock

1.  Write down any thoughts or insights that you gained from reading the text and the lesson this week.  What was notable to you from the reading?

Submission doesn't mean slavery or being a doormat.  It doesn't mean the object of abuse or humiliation, which is really what our society says it is or some form of it.  I like how the author very respectfully talks about this very delicate subject in our culture and society today.  Submission is an attitude of willingness to place yourself or "arrange" yourself to be serve those to whom you are in submission to.  No one can make you submit to anything, rather you have to choose to submit.  It is done according to your free will.

There was a great firmness yet gentleness in which the author spoke about submission.  I loved how she talked about one's identity in Christ and God would never ask us to debase or humiliate ourselves in order for there to be submission.  She writes, "Submission is a place of honor & dignity, though it does require humility . . . "  Humility is humbleness, not humiliation.

2.  What do you think women fear most about submitting to their husbands?  What are your struggles in this area?

I think women fear most about submission is not having control, being a doormat and subject to humiliation and abuse, but that is not what true godly submission is or means.

What I am challenged with is having a good attitude of servanthood.  Sometimes I feel entitled and tired and when that is the case, I can get quite sarcastic, have a bad attitude, and feel like I am owed or why should I do this?  Usually that is not the case and I happily submit to my husband as the head of our household.  So being tired, overwhelmed, over scheduled, out of balance in life makes me not such a nice person to deal with, much less wanting to be submissive.  Also, when I don't feel like I'm being heard, I am less submissive.

But, the Bible doesn't talk about being submissive to our husbands only when all the things are going right, rather all the time.  I have seen the great benefit of trusting God to work through my husband.  We are both flawed people and we will make mistakes.  God gives us grace, hence we should give each other grace and forgive.

I am his helpmate and my husband does listen to my wisdom, so as long as I'm not nagging and trying to be controlling.  Still a great work in progress, but I'm doing way better in this marriage than I ever did in my other 2 marriages.

3.  What do you learn from the Scripture below about God's heart and character?  How does trusting in God's character help us to trust Him in His commands, in particular to be submissive to our husband's leadership?

Isaiah 46:8-10 - ⁸ “Do not forget this! Keep it in mind!  Remember this, you guilty ones.  ⁹ Remember the things I have done in the past.  For I alone am God!  I am God, and there is none like me.  ¹⁰ Only I can tell you the future before it even happens.  Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish. (NLT)

God can do anything He wants and He has commanded wives to submit to our husbands.  We can trust that God can work through our husbands and when we submit to them, even though they might be wrong, God will be honored and bless wives as we do this and things do turn out for God's glory.  I have seen this in my own life and when I don't feel like trusting God with my husband, I can look back at my past divorces and my current marriage, the differences in not submitting to my husbands before and now submitting to my current husband and seeing the amazing stuff God can do no matter what.

Isaiah 49:15-16a - ¹⁵  “Can a woman forget her nursing child And have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you.  ¹⁶ “Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me. (NASB)

Sometimes we can think nothing is happening as we submit to our husbands and nothing good seems to come out of it.  But, God is saying He sees and rewards.  God will bless in due time and do incredible things we know not of.  God cannot forget us.

Lamentations 3:21-23 - ²¹ Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:  ²² Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  ²³ They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (NIV)

God truly is faithful and will not fail us.  Even when we are not faithful or patient or kind or even submissive to our husbands, God understands.  We can truly trust in God.

4.  How is submission to your husband's leadership a picture of your submission to God?  Review these Scriptures to help you with your answers?

1 Corinthians 11:3 - But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of the woman,[a] and God is the head of Christ. (HCSB)

God is over our husbands and our husbands are over us.  It is because of the sins of Adam and Eve the Bible says husbands will rule over their wives.

Ephesians 5:22-24, 33b - 22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. (MSG)

I love this picture because God shows us that he is not a tyrant or demanding as He is the ultimate head, and that our husbands are subject to Christ.  There is a deep love that Christ leads our husbands and our husbands as they lead us, they should see Christ's example and lead us wives as such.

Titus 2:5 -  to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. (NASB)

There is a hierarchy and we are to follow it.  Chaste and discreet are used in the KJV version.  I think about how often I may not be discreet and chaste in my attitude and speech, but the Bible says that we wives are to be sensible and pure not just in our physical appearance, but in our attitudes, in our speech, in all we do.  We are the keepers of the home for which our husbands come home to.  Wow, be kind.  Sometimes as a wife, I am not very kind.

When we can submit to our husbands, it is really showing Christ working through and in us.

5.  In what ways can a wife support her husband's leadership even though he may not be a follower of Christ?

It's hard to know if my husband is or isn't a Christian, but I know we do not share all the same thoughts about the Bible, some very basic things.  So, should I still submit to my husband?  Absolutely.  I am to trust God and the Bible tells us wives to submit to our husbands not only if they are Christians, but if they are our husbands - Christian or not.

Of course, if our husbands ask us to do something that is against God like killing someone or robbing a bank, or to harm others, ourselves, or anyone, it's those times we are to not submit.  But for most things, our husbands aren't asking wives to do those types of things.  It's to have a pleasant attitude when serving him and our families, to do things to help our husbands be successful in their role as head of the household.  It's to respect & honor him, like when my husband says to table a heated discussion, I just need to respect and honor him and give us both space to cool down and then come back when we are both not emotional about things.  Working on this.

MAKING IT PERSONAL JOURNAL

Write any thoughts or convictions that you have in regard to this chapter.  What personal lessons concerning submission will you apply in your own life?  How will you be more intentional as a woman of God?

Submitting to my husband's authority is something I have worked very hard to do in our marriage and I've seen the blessings of this.  My will is quite strong, like a wild mustang, but as I trust God to work through my husband, even when he makes mistakes, I can be confident that even when my husband leads us in the wrong direction, that I can trust that God may allow it and use it for His good.

Rather than me brute force things to the way I want, I've seen God soften my husband's heart, be more tender towards me, treat me better.  As I said before, we are both flawed people and work in progress.  We still have quite a ways to go, but we've also come a long ways.  We are both committed to each other, even if there are moments that seem like we are not.

I just have to respect my husband and give him space on some things, even if it's highly important to me, and let him meet me on his own time.  God can do anything and though God does give free will, if I use my free will just to obey God through my husband, God can do more through that than if I didn't trust God and tried to manipulate things to