When You Rise Up - Chapter 9 - The Discipline of Discipline

Spring Mountain Ranch State Park, Nevada (Nov'16)

1.  Share the most challenging part of discipline your children?  What specific Biblical lessons from this chapter could help you to parent more effectively?

For me, the most challenging part of disciplining my kids is consistency.  I tend to be a bit extreme either super nice until the kids take that for granted and then I fly off the handle.  My husband is in the middle usually and he's very consistent.  I tend to take after my parents and I know it can be quite confusing.  However, in the past 4-5 years, since my husband and I have been married, we've been working together to help me be more consistent.  It isn't easy.

Proverbs 29:15 says, "Punishment and discipline can make children wise, but children who are never corrected will bring shame to their mother."

The 3 lessons - Don't Discipline in Anger; Discipline for disobedience or rebellion, not accidents or childishness; Be Consistent in Discipline are really wise things for me to do to be a more effective parent.  And those 3 things are things I continue to work on.  When I get overwhelmed, lack sleep, over commit to things, I tend to not make good decisions and can discipline in anger.  I need to probably count to 10 and acknowledge that I'm angry, tired, overwhelmed or whatever emotionally charged and wait until I cool down.

My husband is a much better example.

2.  What are some key values and teachings that you have been teaching or want to become intentional about teaching your children?  Are you consistent in partnering with your husband on these values and goals?

I want to teach my children that disobedience and rebellion bring about not good consequences, to accept responsibility for their choices and the outcome.  And the correction and discipline that we are doing is because we are teaching them because we love them.  We want them to make good choices with hopefully good consequences and that they learn to make wise choices for themselves.

For the most part, I am consistent in partnering with my husband in these values, but if anyone falters, it's me.  I can be too permissive sometimes, or sometimes I think my husband is too harsh and then I feel like I want to usurp him.  A few times I've done this and it hasn't been good between us and it ALWAYS backfires on me with the kids.

3.  Review the four Biblical principles for disciplining children in this chapter.  Discuss which of the four were most beneficial or helpful and why.

The discipline with consistency is the most beneficial because this helps my children learn better rather than learn to be manipulators, which I think I have created.  I notice that because of my inconsistencies, the kids try to get away things with me, but rarely try to do this with my husband.  I truly believe that consistency helps my kids WAY better than being inconsistent, by providing them with safety and love, but also helps them make better decisions for themselves.

4.  Sometimes the hardest part of parenting (or doing anything) is waiting to see the results of our efforts.  How do these verses give you encouragement?

• Galatians 6:9 - We must not get tired of doing good. We will receive our harvest of eternal life at the right time. We must not give up.. (ERV)
• I think it's obvious from this verse to keep up the fight, to keep on keeping on because the end result WILL be good, even if the short-term may be frustrating.

• Ephesians 6:10-12 - 10 Finally, build up your strength in union with the Lord and by means of his mighty power. 11 Put on all the armor that God gives you, so that you will be able to stand up against the Devil's evil tricks. 12 For we are not fighting against human beings but against the wicked spiritual forces in the heavenly world, the rulers, authorities, and cosmic powers of this dark age. (GNT)
• .These verses tell me I cannot do it alone that I NEED God's strength.  I need the WHOLE armor of God and I must rely on Him.  I must NOT give the devil any place and the fight I see right before me isn't from an earthly realm, but in the spiritual realm.  That is why in order to defeat the enemy, I might fight this as a spiritual war, with spiritual weapons.  Only God can truly defeat the enemy.

• Psalm 34:15 - The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous [those with moral courage and spiritual integrity]  And His ears are open to their cry. (AMP)
• My righteousness comes from Jesus Christ and being in right standing before Him, repented, forgiven.  God hears my cries.  He listens and He acts.

5.  Is your child or children struggling with obeying you?  Why do you think this is true?  Prayerfully ask the Lord if there are issues of inconsistency in your way of disciplining.  Or if you have discipline in anger, will you confess that anger to God now.  Perhaps you need to seek your child's forgiveness as well.

Yes, my children struggle at times to obey, but now seeing other people's children and how they are in their teens, I see that my kids struggle way less than other teens to obey because at least when they were young, I did correct & discipline them, while loving on them.  Though I wasn't consistent, I did set healthy boundaries usually for them and now they are able to make much better choices in their lives.

There are inconsistencies still in how I discipline or when I discipline.  I can get a little lazy on this depending on my husband more on this, but I need to make sure I am following through.  What helps is if I write things down.

I have disciplined in anger, but I have gotten much better at not doing this.  I have repented for these times.  And, I have asked my kids to forgive me.

6.  Share one verse or insight from this chapter that gave you encouragement and hope as a mom.  Why did you choose that verse?

I love Proverbs 29:17, "Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind and will make your heart glad."  I am seeing how correction and discipline has helped our kids choose better friends and people to be around them.  They haven't tried to be sneaky now as they are teenagers because I corrected this when they were much younger, even before my husband came into their lives.  It was a challenge then to get them to not be sneaky, correct & discipline, but we're seeing the fruit now.  And, I pray it continues as they leave the house as adults to choose to surround themselves with good people and choose to make good & wise choices for their lives.

The Intentional Woman: Pursuing a Heart of Wisdom - Chapter 11 - The Intentional Woman

1.  Write down any thoughts or insights that you gained from reading this chapter.  What was notable to you from the reading?

The Proverbs 31 woman didn't happen overnight and it was from a mature Christian woman, one who had been a maturing, growing woman for a long time.  The husband really is confident in her because she takes care of things at home and everything surrounding it.

2.  The excellent woman is sometimes a daunting and intimidating image for women.  Women feel that they can't ever measure up to her standard.  It is important for us to realize God has left her example in Scripture for us to learn from.  Describe one of her qualities that you admire most and why?

She never speaks badly about her husband, protects her husband and family, especially in words.  She doesn't complain.

3.  How did the excellent woman guard her husband?  How did she guard her children?  What else did she guard?   (Read back through Proverbs 31:10-31)

She does not speak badly about her husband and protects the sanctity of her marriage.  She raises and teaches her children well with not just her words, but her example.  She corrects them and sees that they all fear God.  She is a well-balanced woman, even though she does a great deal.  She guards her health and though a lot is on her plate, she does get enough rest.

4.  This excellent woman "looked well to the ways of her household and did not eat the bread of idleness."  What "bread of idleness" may keep women from taking care of their homes and families properly?  Do you struggle with any of these?  Explain.

Social media, tv, shopping, gossip, pampering herself, too many commitments, too many causes, being unrealistic about expectations, keeping up with the Jones', perfectionism, give up attitude rather than see this as a process, exhaustion, being unorganized, too much clutter can all keep a woman from taking care of her home and family properly.  Those things can be big time distractions.

I am challenged with over committing myself to things, which then leaves me exhausted.  Also, sometimes I want to do too much in too short of a time, which leaves me burned out.  When I'm exhausted and burned out, then I don't want to be organized or do the things I need.  And, sometimes my standards are just too high and I need to just lower them to be more realistic.  My husband and kids don't demand those standards of me, nor does God, so why should I place them upon myself like that.

5.  It is interesting that Proverbs 1:7 opens the book of Proverbs with this:  "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge . . . " and Proverbs 31:30 closes the book of Proverbs with "But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."  The fear of the Lord or reverence of God is an important theme in the book of Proverbs.  We know that to fear God is the beginning of being able to understand or have true wisdom about anything.  And, there is praise for those who recognize a life inspired by a heart that reverences God by those who recognize God in her.

What else can we learn from the following verses about fearing or reverencing God and what it accomplishes for us?  In what ways will you apply these to your life?

Proverbs 10:27 - The fear of the Lord adds length to life, but the years of the wicked are cut short. (NIV)

I must daily be connected and draw close to God, have a deep and great respect for God.  With having a close relationship to God, keeping no sin unrepented and unhealed, this will not allow the enemy to have the legal right to attack me.  This will lead to a longer life.

Proverbs 14:26-27 - ²⁶ In the ^[a]fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, And ^[b]his children will have refuge.  ²⁷ The ^[c]fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, That one may avoid the snares of death. (NASB)

It's similar to the verse above.  If all my sins are confessed, repented and my soul is healed from the trauma of these sins going back through the generations to Adam and Eve, the enemy (Satan) will not have a legal right to mess with me.  As my prayers are effectual, my husband and kids have a place they can safely reside in because I am constantly in a spiritual war for all of us.

Proverbs 15:16 - A simple life in the Fear-of-God  is better than a rich life with a ton of headaches. (MSG)

I am learning that having more "stuff" is not necessarily better.  As I've gotten rid of a lot of "stuff" really in our home, I am feeling freer and my life seems to be MUCH richer as a result because I'm not being weighed down by a bunch of junk that I thought was worth a lot.

Proverbs 19:23 - The fear of the Lord leads to life; one will sleep at night^[a]without danger. (HCSB)

Having peace is not overrated.  Peace is good and being able to get a good night's sleep not ladened with nightmares or physically feeling bad is amazing.  For years I didn't get good sleep and now I do.  Good sleep is nourishing and healing to one's body, mind and soul.  Having that close, intimate relationship with God means that there is a short leash between God and me.  We are close and aren't separated by sin.

MAKING IT PERSONAL JOURNAL

Write any thoughts or convictions that you have in regards to this chapter.  What personal lessons concerning the excellent woman will you apply in your own life?  How will you be more intentional as a woman of God?

It's all a process.  I am to create more balance in my life between keeping my home and life.  I tend to be a workaholic, so I need to make sure to have times of rest, too, so that I can do all that God has for me to do.  And, I continue to work at speaking good about my husband and children.  It's easy when I'm in a good mood, but when I'm in a bad mood (like when I'm tired & exhausted, burned out), it's more challenging.  So the key is to not get to the point of exhaustion and burn out.

Make sure to take time daily to rest, and really rest in the Lord.  Realize that God didn't create this world in a day and I cannot accomplish everything in a day.