When You Rise Up - Chapter 9 - The Discipline of Discipline

Spring Mountain Ranch State Park, Nevada (Nov'16)

1.  Share the most challenging part of discipline your children?  What specific Biblical lessons from this chapter could help you to parent more effectively?

For me, the most challenging part of disciplining my kids is consistency.  I tend to be a bit extreme either super nice until the kids take that for granted and then I fly off the handle.  My husband is in the middle usually and he's very consistent.  I tend to take after my parents and I know it can be quite confusing.  However, in the past 4-5 years, since my husband and I have been married, we've been working together to help me be more consistent.  It isn't easy.

Proverbs 29:15 says, "Punishment and discipline can make children wise, but children who are never corrected will bring shame to their mother."

The 3 lessons - Don't Discipline in Anger; Discipline for disobedience or rebellion, not accidents or childishness; Be Consistent in Discipline are really wise things for me to do to be a more effective parent.  And those 3 things are things I continue to work on.  When I get overwhelmed, lack sleep, over commit to things, I tend to not make good decisions and can discipline in anger.  I need to probably count to 10 and acknowledge that I'm angry, tired, overwhelmed or whatever emotionally charged and wait until I cool down.

My husband is a much better example.

2.  What are some key values and teachings that you have been teaching or want to become intentional about teaching your children?  Are you consistent in partnering with your husband on these values and goals?

I want to teach my children that disobedience and rebellion bring about not good consequences, to accept responsibility for their choices and the outcome.  And the correction and discipline that we are doing is because we are teaching them because we love them.  We want them to make good choices with hopefully good consequences and that they learn to make wise choices for themselves.

For the most part, I am consistent in partnering with my husband in these values, but if anyone falters, it's me.  I can be too permissive sometimes, or sometimes I think my husband is too harsh and then I feel like I want to usurp him.  A few times I've done this and it hasn't been good between us and it ALWAYS backfires on me with the kids.

3.  Review the four Biblical principles for disciplining children in this chapter.  Discuss which of the four were most beneficial or helpful and why.

The discipline with consistency is the most beneficial because this helps my children learn better rather than learn to be manipulators, which I think I have created.  I notice that because of my inconsistencies, the kids try to get away things with me, but rarely try to do this with my husband.  I truly believe that consistency helps my kids WAY better than being inconsistent, by providing them with safety and love, but also helps them make better decisions for themselves.

4.  Sometimes the hardest part of parenting (or doing anything) is waiting to see the results of our efforts.  How do these verses give you encouragement?

• Galatians 6:9 - We must not get tired of doing good. We will receive our harvest of eternal life at the right time. We must not give up.. (ERV)
• I think it's obvious from this verse to keep up the fight, to keep on keeping on because the end result WILL be good, even if the short-term may be frustrating.

• Ephesians 6:10-12 - 10 Finally, build up your strength in union with the Lord and by means of his mighty power. 11 Put on all the armor that God gives you, so that you will be able to stand up against the Devil's evil tricks. 12 For we are not fighting against human beings but against the wicked spiritual forces in the heavenly world, the rulers, authorities, and cosmic powers of this dark age. (GNT)
• .These verses tell me I cannot do it alone that I NEED God's strength.  I need the WHOLE armor of God and I must rely on Him.  I must NOT give the devil any place and the fight I see right before me isn't from an earthly realm, but in the spiritual realm.  That is why in order to defeat the enemy, I might fight this as a spiritual war, with spiritual weapons.  Only God can truly defeat the enemy.

• Psalm 34:15 - The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous [those with moral courage and spiritual integrity]  And His ears are open to their cry. (AMP)
• My righteousness comes from Jesus Christ and being in right standing before Him, repented, forgiven.  God hears my cries.  He listens and He acts.

5.  Is your child or children struggling with obeying you?  Why do you think this is true?  Prayerfully ask the Lord if there are issues of inconsistency in your way of disciplining.  Or if you have discipline in anger, will you confess that anger to God now.  Perhaps you need to seek your child's forgiveness as well.

Yes, my children struggle at times to obey, but now seeing other people's children and how they are in their teens, I see that my kids struggle way less than other teens to obey because at least when they were young, I did correct & discipline them, while loving on them.  Though I wasn't consistent, I did set healthy boundaries usually for them and now they are able to make much better choices in their lives.

There are inconsistencies still in how I discipline or when I discipline.  I can get a little lazy on this depending on my husband more on this, but I need to make sure I am following through.  What helps is if I write things down.

I have disciplined in anger, but I have gotten much better at not doing this.  I have repented for these times.  And, I have asked my kids to forgive me.

6.  Share one verse or insight from this chapter that gave you encouragement and hope as a mom.  Why did you choose that verse?

I love Proverbs 29:17, "Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind and will make your heart glad."  I am seeing how correction and discipline has helped our kids choose better friends and people to be around them.  They haven't tried to be sneaky now as they are teenagers because I corrected this when they were much younger, even before my husband came into their lives.  It was a challenge then to get them to not be sneaky, correct & discipline, but we're seeing the fruit now.  And, I pray it continues as they leave the house as adults to choose to surround themselves with good people and choose to make good & wise choices for their lives.

When You Rise Up - Chapter 5 - Parenting With Purpose

My Kids in the Grand Tetons (July 2014)

1.  Share how you came to know Christ as your Lord and Savior. 

I asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior when I was 7 yrs old in Daily Vacation Bible School.  Though CW was the one that began taking me to church at 3 yrs old faithfully until she died over 10 yrs ago, it was a woman named Grace that I said the prayer with.  However, it was the faithfulness and prayers, the love of CW that Christ is my personal Savior and I am forever grateful.

2.  Discuss one thing that you are currently trying to teach your children.  What are some of the greatest challenges you have experienced in this process?

Consistently doing a great job no matter who, when, where.  They take for granted that they are smart, talented kids, but without a good work ethic, intelligence & talent only goes so far without having a good work ethic.  They don't seem to get it.

3.  What encouragement can you glean from these verses as we experience the challenges of practicing the truth in our own lives and then teaching our children truth?

• Galatians 6:7-9 - 7-8 Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life. 9-10 So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith. (MSG)

None of us are perfect.  But we need to study and know the Word of God and what God desires of our lives.  When sin occurs, we need to be quick to acknowledge and repent, keeping a clean account with the Lord so that the devil does not have a way into our lives to destroy things.  Often those seemingly small sins are like weeds.  If left unchecked, they grow and get out of control.  On a regular basis we need to weed sin out of our lives.  When we do this regularly, it doesn't get to be overwhelming like when we let it all pile up and allow bitterness to develop in our lives.

• Ephesians 6:12-13 - 12 Our fight is not against people on earth. We are fighting against the rulers and authorities and the powers of this world’s darkness. We are fighting against the spiritual powers of evil in the heavenly places. 13 That is why you need to get God’s full armor. Then on the day of evil, you will be able to stand strong. And when you have finished the whole fight, you will still be standing. (ERV)

All of these things are heart issues and Satan has all sorts of ploys to get us off track.  So when we're having issues with things or other people, Satan is behind all that.  We must get things right with God and use the power we have in Christ to fight against Satan, who is our greatest adversary.  We cannot do it alone or with only partial spiritual armor.

4.  Read Deuteronomy 6:4-9.  4 “Listen, people of Israel! The Lord is our God. The Lord is the only God.5 You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. 6 Always remember these commands that I give you today. 7 Be sure to teach them to your children. Talk about these commands when you sit in your house and when you walk on the road. Talk about them when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them on your hands and wear them on your foreheads to help you remember my teachings. 9 Write them on the doorposts of your houses and on your gates.  How important did the Israelites consider it to teach their children about God?  Describe to what extent they did this.  Then share ideas about how you can apply these same principles to the teaching of your children today.

It was so important that they wrote it on the doorposts of their houses.  Whenever you enter the house or a room, you go through doorposts, so then you are sure to see these teachings, just in case you forget.  I can teach these to my kids, God's teachings by daily talking to them about them, praying with them, praying alone for them, role modeling to them God's Word in action.  We can also look at different situations and apply God's Word to it and see what God says on how to deal with all sorts of things.

5.  Share one verse or thought that most encouraged you from this chapter.

Psalm 127:3 - Children are a gift from God.  Sometimes I forget this and gifts are to be received with joy and delight, to be cherished.  As both my kids are teenagers, I forget this at times.  I have to remember that I was also a teenager once and that if God was able to take me safely through that time and to develop me, God can do similarly with my own children.

When You Rise Up - Chapter 4 - Parenting 101

Valley of Fire State Park, Nevada (2015)

1.  Share your observations about how parents in our culture today try to be a pal rather than the parent.  What problems do you see with this approach to parenting?

I think it brings a lot of confusion into our kids' lives.  They don't truly understand about healthy boundaries, or negative consequences for wrong choices.  We see a lot of entitlement in our society and you don't have to work for or earn anything.  Just because you exist is enough and it isn't.

2.  How does forgiving your own parents (or others who have hurt you) help you as a parent?  Consider the following verses as you answer this questions.

• Ephesians 4:26-27 - 26 “When you are angry, don’t let that anger make you sin,”[a] and don’t stay angry all day.27 Don’t give the devil a way to defeat you. (ERV)
• When we don't forgive, roots of bitterness grow deep within us.  Then we do things that aren't good out of that bitterness, with a seething anger.  So many awful things and some people commit awful crimes because of unforgiveness.  We won't live this life without being wronged.  And forgiving doesn't absolve what was done, but it's releasing the bad ties to that person and letting God deal with that person.  If we do not release forgiveness, this gives the devil a way to work and attack our lives.

• Colossians 3:12-13 - 12 God has chosen you and made you his holy people. He loves you. So your new life should be like this: Show mercy to others. Be kind, humble, gentle, and patient.13 Don’t be angry with each other, but forgive each other. If you feel someone has wronged you, forgive them. Forgive others because the Lord forgave you. (ERV)
• No matter what, our kids will wrong us many times.  They will infuriate us, but we need to continually forgive them and be an example to them about forgiveness and restoration (where possible).  It teaches our kids not to be prideful, because forgiveness, as I see it, is a humbling thing.  This all points to Jesus and that we do not have control of others.

• Hebrews 12:14-15 - 14 Pursue peace with everyone, and holiness—without it no one will see the Lord. 15 Make sure that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up, causing trouble and by it, defiling many. (HCSB)
• God is love and peace, even though He is a God who also judges.  But first He is love.  The devil has no love.  He is selfish, prideful, arrogant and filled with destruction.  If we allow God's love to dwell in us, eventually, by the grace of God, others will see this and want this in their lives. 

3.  Read Ephesians 6:1-4 - Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (NIV)

• What instructions are given to children in this passage?
• Children are to obey their parents, to honor them.

• Name 2 or 3 observations you make in regard to parents' responsibilities in these same four verses.
• As parents we are to teach our kids, to discipline them, correct them, but not in such a harsh manner that it causes them to be discouraged, angry, bitter.  

• Why do you think Paul included this teaching to the church in Ephesus?  What do you think prompted this?
• Families are so important and are the backbone of any society.  Without strong families, societies are weak.  He's encouraging all parts of the family - not just children, but also parents.

4.  Share some successes that you have had as a mom in having fun with your children without sacrificing your parenting principles with your children?

We have gone on many trips together that are super fun, as well as hiking and many other outings.  We never have to worry about our kids acting up or not obeying because we work on those things at home so when we are out, it's smooth going and an enjoyable time for all.

5. Hopefully you can laugh about some of the things that your children have said and done.  Share a funny parenting store that you have experienced.  Why is laughter important to being a good parent?

When my daughter was maybe 3-4 yrs old and my son was a baby, we were in church.  We had taught our daughter to say AMEN after prayers.  The pastor was praying a bit long and had stopped, or a long pause.  My daughter thought he was done and shouted, AMEN!  I told her he wasn't done.  But she refused to stop saying AMEN!!  She kept shouting AMEN and I had to take her out of service.  That was really funny (well, not at the time) and I could hear some people laughing.

6.  What was the most helpful or encouraging to you as a mom in this chapter?  Share your insights.

Not forgiving could have awful consequences that manifest in bad ways later in our lives.  So we must forgive.

Sun, 1-Jun-2014 - One Plus Year Later

A little over a year ago, I wrote a post about letting my husband lead in marriage.  I'll have to admit, making this choice to let him lead, to trust my husband through God has been challenging because being the oldest and used to leading, I can definitely say that a year plus later, that God has definitely blessed our marriage.

We're still learning a great deal, but my husband trusts and has greater confidence in me, as I him.  Learning to listen much better.  Early on when I committed this to the Lord, it was so challenging and not that it's not now, but there were even times I had to go to my pastor and Life Group leader for help.

God did so many incredible, amazing things to bring my husband and I together more, even using my parents and though some of it was not the route I was wanting, I could see God's hand in all this.  There were many times I could not see how God was working, but just because you cannot see, does not mean God is not working.

One of the things in leading in our marriage was to trust my husband to lead in our family with our kids.  Up until our kids, he did not have any kids in his prior marriage, nor had he been around kids much.  The kids, especially our daughter greatly challenged him.  We had to come together as a team to parent, letting him lead.  And though he had never been a parent, he knew that paying attention and consistency were very important, which I was lacking.

Parents must come together in child rearing.  The lack of unity brings inconsistency and a divided family.  I'll have to admit, I don't always agree with my husband, but as I submit and allow him to lead, being supportive, our children see that unity and we have gained better cooperation from them and are a more unified and overall happier family.

One of the things my parents did that was really fantastic was they really forced all of us 5 kids to come together and that is one of the things we make our kids do.  As adults, my siblings and I do have our differences, but we are all together, no one estranged.  Maybe when we were young, we didn't appreciate it, but now almost all of us in our 40s with families of our own, we see the benefits.

Praise God!!!