When You Rise Up - Chapter 8 - The Necessary Nine

My Kids & Their Cousin Near Star Valley, AZ (Dec'16)

1.  What characteristics do you think are most important in close friendships?  Share some that are non-negotiables for you.

Respect, courtesy, thoughtfulness, the ability to listen, kindness.  All the Fruit of the Spirit are really good to have in close friendships, though.

2.  As you think about each of the nine fruits of the Spirit, write out how you see these growing in your own marriage relationships?  How do these manifest themselves in your friendships?

• Love - I love my husband by serving him in his many hobbies and things.  He loves me by wanting what's best for me, for my health.
• Joy - I think we could have a lot more joy if we didn't nit pick on each other so much.  My husband sees with a really critical eye.  For me, I am always on the go and sometimes my To Do List steals my joy, or my husband's critical spirit steals my joy.
• Peace - We have more peace now after being a part of the Titus Bible study now for over a year, but this is definitely still a work in progress.
• Patience - We each have some level of patience for each other, but we can also be impatient with each other.  Work in progress.
• Kindness - My husband shows me kindness in different ways than I show him.  It's a challenge to describe this.
• Goodness - I think both of us want what's good and best for the other person, never wishing or wanting any harm to come to the other person.
• Gentleness - My husband is usually a more gentle person to me than I am to him.  I can be quite hostile, but I feel that a lot of times I feel stressed.
• Faithfulness - I allow no male relationships into my life that would threaten my marriage.  If there is a male that does not respect my marriage boundaries, then I am quick to cut that person off.
• Self-Control - I'm not saying everything on my mind, especially when I'm emotional.  Though my husband still says a lot of mean things to me when he's upset, it's less than he used to.

3.  Are there any areas of weakness that you know that you should confess as sin and forsake and allow God to work on this in your own life?  Write them here.

As much as I can say about my husband having a critical spirit, I know I can be quite critical and mean, too.  I tend to hold things inside, not sharing it with others until things get too much for me and then I explode.  I know I need to learn to be able to talk about my frustrations in a healthy manner with my husband, but I can get quite animated and upset easily.  God gives me plenty of opportunities to practice this and I keep failing.

4.  Discuss other creative ways that you can teach your children about the Fruit of the Spirit.  If they are young you may want to choose different ways than if they are older or teenagers.

We can have healthy discussions on how to deal with uncomfortable or challenging situations, or use situational examples.  That's not real creative, but hopefully it works.

5.  Share any insights or Scripture that spoke to you in this chapter.  How can you use this to become a more intentional parent this week?

I can see how my life would have been so much easier had someone taught me to choose my friends based on how much of the Fruit of the Spirit they had, as well as my spouse.  But I never saw it that way nor was taught that way and haven't taught that to my kids.  It seems almost too late and life can be challenging despite the many rewards we have.  Maybe it isn't too late and I can still teach my kids before they are adults?

The Intentional Woman: Pursuing a Heart of Wisdom - Chapter 7 - The Intentional Mother

1.  Write down any thoughts or insights that you gained from reading this chapter.  What was notable to you from the reading?  

I think the thing that most struck me was I couldn't teach something if I really didn't KNOW or experienced it.  Children can see right through you and whether you are being true or not.

2.  What do you think it means that marriage and mothering are schoolrooms for God's sanctification in our lives?  How is this true in your life?

I see schoolrooms as different subjects, but something where we have to learn.  Sanctification is allowing God to use every relationship and situation in our lives to draw us closer and grow us in our relationship with Jesus Christ.  I have found that through my marriage and children, God reveals different things that need to be weeded out of my heart and life, as well as transforming different things.  It's not an easy process because I find I can be quite distracted and I wonder why my own kids have trouble focusing.

Well, I am all over the place, overcommitted, overburdened, overwhelmed.  Not everything my husband and children are that I am, but I can see areas where I have done well and other areas that greatly need improvement and how those areas are not as they should be.

3.  According to Deuteronomy 6:5-9, what has God instructed parents to teach their children?  Why is this so important?

Deuteronomy 6:5-9 - 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

God must be number one and you must remember and walk in that always.  It's important not only because God says so, but when we put anything before God, it is idolatry, which is a sin.  With God, we will have an unexplainable peace that we cannot have with anyone else.

4.  Which of the "Five Musts for Mom" spoke to your heart and why?  What Scriptures spoke to your heart?

Be decidedly proactive spoke to me.  I see my husband as being much better than this than me because I have too much on my plate or I take on too much that I cannot see the forest from the trees.  I tend to be often reactive than proactive, which is not biblical.  No Scriptures came to mind.

5.  What practical, Biblical mothering tip would you most like to share with a younger mom?

Whatever THIS is, it won't be forever.  Enjoy this time and learn.  Whatever keeps happening, there must be something in it for you to learn, grow and change.

Making It Personal Journal

Write any thoughts or convictions that you have in regard to this chapter?  What personal lessons from this chapter on The Intentional Mom will you apply in your own life?  What steps of actions will you take to be more intentional in this area?

I really need to not be so reactive.  Have a good plan before things happen and when they do happen, I can be proactive, NOT reactive.  I need to pay attention and be aware of what my kids are doing, follow up and check on them, not trust that they made the right choice.  Then, I need to calmly follow up with consequences, if it's negative, but not in an angry way.

Different By Design - Husbands & Wives

I listened to this podcast, "Different By Design" and it is AWESOME.  Take a listen to it.  It's 62 minutes and well worth it if you're married, thinking about getting married.

Now in my third and final marriage, the things she talks about totally make sense to me.  I was so independent in my first 2 marriages, always needing my way.  And, I never respected my husbands.  Naomi gives a much better perspective and now that I have a successful marriage that I love and my husband also loves being married to me, my view has completely changed.

My husband has amazing emotional intelligence.  God had brought the right man to me and my husband was right when he told me he was my Mr. Right.  Our first year of marriage was rocky because I had a hard time respecting my husband.  But, as my soul started to get healing, I was able to begin to put to practice in showing my husband respect.  THAT is the main way I can show him that I love him.

Praise be to God I have been able to do things MUCH differently in this marriage.  It has transformed my life, my children's lives, marriage, my relationships with my parents, my family, other people.  I've been able to learn to set healthy boundaries not only for myself, but for others and learning to enforce them.  The things I was once a slave to no longer enslave me.

I love the beginning of I Peter 3 in the Bible:

• Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won overwithout words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord.You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
• 7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

I've seen as I've shown my husband respect, truly listening, engaging, stop being so self-conscious of my body (still working on this), and a host of other things, I've seen how my husband has responded and greatly loved on me the way I need.  We've been married now 3 1/2 yrs and every month it gets better.  We do have rough periods as we work through things, but I've seen God's blessing when you first submit to Him, and then submit to your husband.

I'm learning to let go of that defiant, stubborn nature and trust my husband.  Even if he does make a mistake, I've learned that God does redeem and bless in even greater measure since I chose to trust and respect my husband instead of giving in to feelings that I had, which can be often quite intensified and emotional.  My husband isn't perfect, nor am I, but God is changing and transforming us into something even better.

I'm ecstatic to be walking this life with my soulmate, the man of my heart, my best friend, and the true love of my life (next to God).  In an age where women are taught to usurp men and that they have to be like us, I beg to differ.  I had 2 marriages where I followed the world's way that women should be and it ended disastrously.  I grow more in love with not only God, but my husband as the days, weeks, months, and years go by.

You cannot change others.  BUT, you can change yourself and watch the world change around you.

Wed, 25-Jan-2012 -- Falling In Love

Falling In Love, a photo by {peace&love♥} on Flickr.

I thought this picture was so awesome and I was thinking of the topic of "Falling in Love" last night, to fall ridiculously in consuming love.

Hope my friend doesn't me borrowing this from something he wrote me:

Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than FALLING IN LOVE IN QUITE AN ABSOLUTE, FINAL WAY.

What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will effect everything.

It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.

Fall in Love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.

~ Father Pedro Arrupe, SJ (A former head of the Jesuits)

Throughout these past near 5 yrs since my husband chose to leave our marriage and family to make other choices in his life, we've gone through so much hell on this earth. But, one thing I am certain beyond anything is that God is FOR us, and that God's love is so much more incredible than I ever knew before. 

Those who follow me know that I am big into gratitudes and that is a main staple of my walk with God, where I so feel His presence going with me everywhere. I enter daily throughout the day into the courts of the Lord with praise & thanksgiving.

Often I hear his gentle whispers that He loves me, through the beauty of a sunset on a quiet evening, or through the air bursting forth with the laughter of children, particularly my own. Or, sometimes I feel the warm embrace of a friend, so comforting and soothing.

Other times, it will be someone sharing their testimony as to what God has done for them. Maybe it's just driving into that parking lot just as a car pulls out from a prime spot under a tree on a hot summer day that is close to the place I need to go.

And, there will be times an encouraging card comes in the mail with a really nice gift card, or thoughtful, sincere words for a friend, a gesture of thoughtfulness of someone thinking of us when they are getting rid of really nice stuff.

Maybe it's driving down the road and noticing some homes have gorgeous, brilliant flowers that dot their landscape - the fact I can see the rich colors and enjoy them. Or, maybe it's the photographers on Flickr that share their amazing work, and that the God of this Universe can create so many lovely colors and have so many talented people with whom I can enjoy their work.  He is My Artist & Creator.

Then, I think of when I bite into an heirloom cherry tomato and enjoy the delicious, crisp flavor. Maybe I get to walk down the road to greet my neighbor, and that I can walk unassisted and carefreely.  He is My Provider.

Maybe it's waking up groggily in my comfortable bed covered with a down comforter, looking over seeing a pile of WebKinz my son has left there so I would not be alone. Or, maybe it's hearing my daughter sin a praise & worship song, and laughing at me as I mix up the words.  He is My Music.

There are other times like when I'm petrified to go further, crying, on my knees not knowing if I can go any longer, and I see His arms (figuratively) reach towards me to pick me up, and say, "I'll carry you right now.  Don't worry."  He's had to do this so many times these past 5 yrs.  Then, there are those times I'm angry, hurting, and He just holds me and I sob into Him profusely until there are no more tears.  I look into His face and He whispers to me that it'll be alright, letting Him hold me, as I rest in Him.  He is my Protector & Healer.

My God loves me, loves my children so very much. I feel incredibly loved, and that despite circumstances, so richly and generously loved. Sometimes God shouts to me His glory, other times He whispers loving words and thoughts. Sometimes we dance through the day, as if in a beautiful ballet, or sometimes a crazy, fun Latin dance.

To be safey in love with my Lord . . . what a way of life.