Today I woke up excited that I was embarking on a journey to get to a place I've not been to. Maybe this would be the time, after searching what seems like endlessly for what I've been striving for.
A part of my spirit is competitive, but sheepishly, I don't always deal with failure gracefully. Today, in a different area of my life, I had some great failures that sent me in a course that I'm still not off right now, which I need to get off that course. It has me questioning things in a way that isn't good.
Once again, I'm figuratively humbled and realize I am weak, and that I can't do ANY of this life without Christ. I am utterly depraved. I didn't wake up feeling like this, rather hopeful.
Yet, this evening, my heart is aching and my spirit is still frustrated and angry. Sitting here catching up on my "Experiencing God" study, and so far behind, the Bible verses leap off the pages and convict my heart, but it's not with condemnation.
It's refocusing me on God, not my circumstances. I was far from godly in anything for the past 5+ hrs. I allowed my temper and past failures sink me into a pit of anger & despair.
It feels like I'm in the desert, but there is a mirage. Probably more than ever in my life, I am more focused on God and walking in faith. He has me on a super short leash. Stuff is happening, changing quickly.
No longer do I want to take years to go through things. Repentence is one of the keys. I so need God in EVERY aspect, EVERY thought, EVERY emotion, EVERY action, EVERYTHING!
Sanctus Real has a song called "Redeemer" that really depicts some of what I feel. Why Sanctus Real wrote this touches me and gets me off my own circumstances:
I love Skillet and it's no secret. Sometimes there is this dark side to me and it helps to have a Christian group that just has that edgy sound as I sometimes feel, that harshness. Sometimes people think that I'm all happy go lucky, but those closest to me see that isn't the case. I do have those down, depressing times more than I'd like to admit. However, due to "The Compound Effect" of certain things I am disciplined in doing, this keeps me on the more positive side, praising and thanking God.
Some of those things are regular time in God's Word, doing worship with my kids in Gratitudes & Blessings, and Prayer. Daily doing these things has really helped transform the lives of my kids and I, and where there are many times we could've sunk deep into the pit of despair and depression and just hanging on a thread, God does something supernatural.
This is another Skillet video called "Sometimes". It is a bit depressing, but there was someone recently in my life that this song is so for him. But, the fact is, I was at this point in my life many times, so not pointing fingers. I'm really glad Skillet is willing to address the darker side of things.
But, the hope always in Jesus Christ. It may not look like what you expect. Come as you are. Jesus accepts you completely where you are. It doesn't matter what you've done. He loves you.
Drop me a line on how I can pray for you. I'd love to hear from you.
Do you know who you are? I mean, really. Do you know who you are? What is your identity wrapped in? Is it your job and work? Is it who others say you are? Is it what you do? Your personality? What you haven't done? Who are you?
In this song, Jason Gray talks about God reminding us who He calls us, but showing that we often don't call us who He calls us.
What do you call yourself?
I know for a long time, though intellectually I knew who God said I was, I lived out the belief that was the complete opposite. We always live out what we believe. What do you believe? Do you believe who God says you are? If we do, then let's see if our lives confirm this. If not, there is room for each of us to step aside to allow God to show us who He says we are.
Skillet is probably one of my top 10 favorite groups. There is something angry, depressing about them that I love as there is a part of me that is that way. Yet, that is a small part of me and the greater part of me is hopeful, optimistic, loving. But, lately, a number of Skillet's songs have been dotting my days and this one in particular has been coming up:
This is "Hero". The lyrics - I need a hero to save me. Often as humans, we want someone to save us from all our miseries, or maybe that event will occur and something will magically happen to reverse everything around. And, on the rare occasion, something like that does happen. Probably the most noticable one that we can all see is someone winning the lottery. Perhaps it's a person that is broke and wins mega millions and is instantly thrust into riches. But, usually, less than a decade later, the person is even broker than before winning the lottery.
Did their "hero", the lottery really benefit their lives in the long run? No. They weren't ready to have money yet and when they came into it, they could not steward the money well as they did not have the character that could help them use it well.
FEAR
The past few years, though I have known Jesus as my personal Savior for over 35 yrs (wow, that makes me sound old), it's not until all my super hardships hit and I totally had to lean on God, because my Plan B, C, Z all failed. I realized that I had placed my focus on the wrong places and people, that Jesus was really my hero.
When we lean on the right things to help us through life, I think God can also create people who can be great role-models or "heroes". I think about my parents and what they had to go through growing up, or raising 5 children (especially me, because I greatly challenged them and probably made them rethink being a parent), or the many things they endured. They are my first heroes. My siblings are also my heroes, because I know that them being my siblings and me their sister hasn't been easy either. I tend to challenge those I'm closest to.
HURT
But, I see many people that have risen above the great challenges they've faced to overcome beliefs they've been living out that were not healthy or good, to smash those wrong beliefs, to create new beliefs in which they stepped into. I've been doing that a lot in the past couple years very aggressively. My family, church, and friends have come along side of me to help me when I would fall down and can't get back up.
SHAME
Other times, it's just God and I and asking Him to give me the courage to face the ugly things I've believed, those lies, and to smash them. What I've learned when you challenge your belief system, you will come under great opposition the harder that belief system is engrained into you. But, every time you get knocked down as you challenge wrong beliefs, and get back up to take action against that wrong belief, it chips away at that wrong belief a little at a time. Eventually, that wrong belief is whittled away to nothing and you've replaced it with a correct belief system.
RESOLVE
As we are at the beginning of a new year and New Year's resolutions are at the peak of the year, one of the big challenges that many people face is to lose weight. Those who succeed will be the ones that continue chipping away at wrong actions that led them to where they are by making healthier choices until they no longer make those choices. With some, they may need to spend years to do this, others not too long. But, whatever it is, it's to not give up and to keep on keeping on until you have a correct belief system in place.
COURAGE
How do you know if you have a correct, healthy belief system? The actions you take, how you live your life will reflect your belief system. We always live out what we believe.
What do you believe? What does your life say you believe? Are you making hero choices?
HERO
It's not that heroes aren't afraid, rather they choose to continue to act inspite of opposition and difficulty. Are you a hero? Share your hero stories with me. I'd love to hear them. Let's inspire each other.
