Relationships

It's always curious to me as to why some relationships work and others do not.  The past months, I've been reading a lot of things regarding supernatural living, spiritual authority, prophetic gifts, spiritual discernment all as pertains to the Bible.  As I was in a relationship not too long ago, it was a challenge for me to see some things while in the relationship because my views were clouded by my own feelings.

Now, time away and time to reassess things, to allow God to really speak to me, I wonder how it even got as far is it got.  Two very broken people together did not make a whole person, rather created more brokenness.  Though we are all broken people to some aspect, sometimes I see how messed up some other people and wonder how they remain married or in a relationship at all.  Yet, by the grace of God, they are.

Some people seem truly happen, even if they are so messed up.  Other people are not really all that messed up and really have their act together and they have someone, or maybe they don't.  There are some GREAT people I know out there that have no one, and I wonder why.  Of course, there are some really messed up people with no one and it's just as well.

Where do I fall in?  I've been pretty messed up, but on the mend.  Definitely not ready for a relationship outside of friendship, and even then, it would be just an emotionally distant friendship for now.  I'm really soaking up the Lord and what He's doing in me and don't want to be distracted.  Do I feel lonely?  There are periods I do, but they are short.  God reminds me there is work left to be done, a life worth living and not pining away for something that may or may not happen.

There was a time when I felt the need to look for someone.  Maybe it will come again, maybe not.  But, there is no desire to look as that seems like the wrong thing for me at this time.  Observe what God is doing to people around me, to me.  Get involved in what God is doing right here.

Maybe it'll be different when the kids are out of the house, but this time I have with them is so short, so I want to take advantage of this, make my mark.  As I've watched how God has intervened with other people in how they have waited, it encourages me.  I do not have to take matters in my own hands.

One of the things I'm noticing are my own emotions towards different situations and people.  These things are feedback as to things that are in me that may be good or not.  God is always good.  So, if it's not good, it's not from God.  I'm finding that I don't always let things go.  Maybe most of it I have, but there are still strings that keep me there partially and they need to be completely severed - not ignored or denied, rather acknowledged and then say goodbye to it.

God is so good.  He provides a lot of feedback to me.  Too bad when I was younger that I lacked the wisdom to see this and respond appropriately.  But, I'm learning now.