Sometimes learning can be quite painful. As I'm pressing forward and God is healing my soul wounds, which leaves me with less that I have in common with the enemy, there is a greater expectation of obedience that I'm learning about.
This past Tuesday, there was something I wanted to do that I distinctly knew was wrong, that God did not want me to do it. I heard Him clearly in my mind tell me not to do it. But, I chose in rebellion to do it anyway. It seemed like such a small thing. But, spiritually, the Bible states in I Samuel 15:23 that rebellion is as witchcraft. It was this rebellion that caused God to reject King Saul. And then a host of not good things happened when God took His hand off Saul.
When I knowingly disobeyed God, that was rebellion. Thus, this was not in line with God, rather the enemy, the devil. What happened shortly later was my husband and I got in an argument over the phone, which is not exactly normal for us, especially if he's at work. Then, from that argument, I began feeling in despair, hopeless, depressed. I am not a depressed kind of person.
Over the next hours to come, it was not pleasant. I couldn't think about God, couldn't really connect with the Lord. My mind was so depressed and not in its right mind. When my husband got home from work, my reactions to him and him to me were not good. In the end, we got into this huge incident where it was not good. It brought trauma to all of us emotionally - my husband, my kids, my dad, and to myself. It was simply awful.
When I finally went to bed (without repenting to the Lord), I was further depressed and feeling awful. When I took the kids to school, I felt awful, but I began to repent as I drove and the tide began to turn. I began to get a clearer mind and continued to pray through what I know regarding soul wounds.
Sin is sin. There is no such thing as small sin in the Kingdom of God, because God IS HOLY. He tolerates NO SIN. That sin put a great wedge between God and I and it caused things in my soul, the wounds and the wounds of my husband, for the enemy just to really wreak havoc to our family, over what I thought was seemingly small. It wasn't small.
As my soul gets healed more and more, it means greater intimacy with my Lord, but there is a higher realm of expectation and power that I have through Jesus Christ. But, it also means a greater level or righteousness and Holy living is required. It was a very tough lesson to learn this past week, but as Romans 8:28, God can turn any situation around for His good.
Repentance turns the tide.
No comments:
Post a Comment